What a busy time of life! You'd think that when one of the kids moves out and the other is hardly ever home that you'd have more time. I don't know -- I guess I am taking on extra things that I wouldn't have before. Anyways it's been super busy.
I am trying hard to get a grip on all the things that we've gone through recently. In the whole scheme it seems silly that I've let this stuff get to me so much. I have been having the hardest time with getting older! I think I am down right depressed about it. I also think that since my routine has been so changed that not taking my anti-depressants has not helped me much. So in the last couple weeks I have been doing better - some...
I am just so sad that that part of my life, the part where the kids were small, is over! It makes me just cry every time I think of it. Am I the only one???? I am an emotional mess when it comes to this subject!
I really am glad that Ty is moved out. It is a good situation and he is doing well and loving his life. I still have Kaycee at home but she is so independent and wants to stay on the go constantly! I don't want Ty back home, I know this is what is best for him.
Kaycee is really maturing and that is a good thing. She is gaining a lot of self confidence and growing in the Lord. As is Ty...
SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!??? I guess it's just change - big change and it seemed to happen so quick and all at once. I tend to focus on the past and what I don't have now. It would be good if I could change that. My friend tells me I just need time.
In the midst of all that we stopped going to WW. It was so early on Saturday morning and another time together did not work - so we are going to try to continue on our on. Hmmm, not sure how that will work out. So far, I have put back on about 5 lbs.
I'm not going crazy with eating but it's a bad time of year to try to lose! I started doing bad at WW when Alan started going. I don't like competition too much. I think I just kind of gave up when he started losing. That's something I need to look at - what's up with that?
I don't want to be sooo focused on food and with WW you have to be. At the same time if I am not focused then I tend to eat too much. AGH... what to do!!
Well that's all the time I have to ramble!! Gotta get my day going!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Learning to get back up...
It's been a rough month! We are moved. We didn't move to town and are still in the East Mountains but not in the trees. God provided us a nice house with wonderful owners! We are adjusting to this house and it's going pretty good. So much has happened that has had me in a tailspin.
Because we did not move to town our son decided to seriously look for a place to live in town. He found a great deal and has moved into town. He was at the new house maybe 3 nights! So this is sad for me but I know it's for the best. He is doing well and it's been a good experience for him so far.
The next thing that happened was not good. I play piano/keyboard for our church 2x a month. Our dear drummer, a blind young man, 22 years old, died suddenly. He had seizures and the last one took his life. We had played Sunday and that evening/next morning he died! It was such a shock. He and I had been playing together for 3 years and I loved him like a son. We had his funeral the following Friday and the family asked our team to play at the funeral, which we did. It was an honor but really hard.
We had just finished moving into our new house the week before he died. Right after the funeral I went to Colorado with two of my best friends. My one friend has a cabin by the river and we took a 3 day trip up there. On the way up I started getting a sore throat and by that night was SICK!! I was so miserable the whole weekend! The aspens were at the height of color!! Gorgeous but I was barely able to enjoy it. :(
Here it is 2-3 weeks later and I am just starting to feel better - physically and emotionally. I ended up gaining 3 1/2 pounds during this time - which I'm surprised that that's all I gained. I really don't even care because I felt like I was barely hanging on at times. I basically just checked out for several weeks.
I need to find my focus again and get going. Life has so many ups and downs and I realize that this past month is a bump in the road. These kind of things are going to happen - hopefully not as bad as some of the things this time. I'm learning.... the key is to not give up... get back up and start again!! So here I go!
Because we did not move to town our son decided to seriously look for a place to live in town. He found a great deal and has moved into town. He was at the new house maybe 3 nights! So this is sad for me but I know it's for the best. He is doing well and it's been a good experience for him so far.
The next thing that happened was not good. I play piano/keyboard for our church 2x a month. Our dear drummer, a blind young man, 22 years old, died suddenly. He had seizures and the last one took his life. We had played Sunday and that evening/next morning he died! It was such a shock. He and I had been playing together for 3 years and I loved him like a son. We had his funeral the following Friday and the family asked our team to play at the funeral, which we did. It was an honor but really hard.
We had just finished moving into our new house the week before he died. Right after the funeral I went to Colorado with two of my best friends. My one friend has a cabin by the river and we took a 3 day trip up there. On the way up I started getting a sore throat and by that night was SICK!! I was so miserable the whole weekend! The aspens were at the height of color!! Gorgeous but I was barely able to enjoy it. :(
Here it is 2-3 weeks later and I am just starting to feel better - physically and emotionally. I ended up gaining 3 1/2 pounds during this time - which I'm surprised that that's all I gained. I really don't even care because I felt like I was barely hanging on at times. I basically just checked out for several weeks.
I need to find my focus again and get going. Life has so many ups and downs and I realize that this past month is a bump in the road. These kind of things are going to happen - hopefully not as bad as some of the things this time. I'm learning.... the key is to not give up... get back up and start again!! So here I go!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Gotta Move (Mercy Me song)
Life is about to get crazy again. We moved to this cute little house in the East Mountains of New Mexico the 1st of July. I love this place but it has some major problems.
One is the septic system - they are about to have to tear it up and put in a new one. BIG pain for us and our dogs. Going to cost the owner (we rent) about 30,000 -bummer for them.. Next our water here is hard hard -- the epa guidelines for one of the things tested is it must be below 500ppm -- Ours is 880ppm... not safe to drink! The owner needs to put in a softener -- 3000.00 -- bummer..
The landlord didn't act like the owner was going to want to do that. We have had some problems (big problems) with the landlord. So we told her maybe we need to move.. She said she thought that would be a good idea! So we are getting out of our year contract here.
SO NOW we have to find a place that will allow 3 dogs and 2 cats... and then move AGAIN soon!! UGH!! I just so dread moving again.
Today I will be out looking for rentals IN town.. we are moving from the mountains :-( to the busy city. It's quite a sacrifice for me. I absolutely love the mountains and the quiet and the birds.. It will be best for my family - as they are all working in the city and have to drive back and forth, a lot. Also, I will be closer to my mom & dad, my sister and my brothers families. So it's a mixed blessing.
We are trying to hear God's voice in all this and so far doors have opened in this direction and so we will continue to go this way. I am trying to be confident that He already has a place picked out for us that will be just right!
Thanks for your prayers!!
One is the septic system - they are about to have to tear it up and put in a new one. BIG pain for us and our dogs. Going to cost the owner (we rent) about 30,000 -bummer for them.. Next our water here is hard hard -- the epa guidelines for one of the things tested is it must be below 500ppm -- Ours is 880ppm... not safe to drink! The owner needs to put in a softener -- 3000.00 -- bummer..
The landlord didn't act like the owner was going to want to do that. We have had some problems (big problems) with the landlord. So we told her maybe we need to move.. She said she thought that would be a good idea! So we are getting out of our year contract here.
SO NOW we have to find a place that will allow 3 dogs and 2 cats... and then move AGAIN soon!! UGH!! I just so dread moving again.
Today I will be out looking for rentals IN town.. we are moving from the mountains :-( to the busy city. It's quite a sacrifice for me. I absolutely love the mountains and the quiet and the birds.. It will be best for my family - as they are all working in the city and have to drive back and forth, a lot. Also, I will be closer to my mom & dad, my sister and my brothers families. So it's a mixed blessing.
We are trying to hear God's voice in all this and so far doors have opened in this direction and so we will continue to go this way. I am trying to be confident that He already has a place picked out for us that will be just right!
Thanks for your prayers!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Changes
I wish this feeling could go on forever!! It's kind of funny how part of me is a stressed out mess and the other part, the weight focus part, is doing pretty good. So I should say I wish the way I feel with my weight focus area could go on forever. I think that is progress?!
Yesterday, was weigh in day. I knew I had done pretty good for the week because I had tracked and hadn't gone too crazy with extras. So I was down 1.2 lbs YAY! From here on out is the lowest "weight" I have been in over 25 years.. I know I've said that before, recently, but it still amazes me! I feel this "Hope" that this time I'm going to do this!! I don't know something feels different.
So I went to Target to buy a baby shower gift. Decided to get a pair of black jeans. Took a 14 and a 12 to the try on room..... Thought, "well, I should try the 12 on first and get that disappointment over quickly, IT FIT and the waist was actually a little big. I might could have worn a 10... OMG!! I didn't have time to try the 10 on and I believe it would have been too tight but I bet I could have gotten it zipped!!
I am so close to being in the 160's!! I just can't even imagine. For so so long I was over 200 .. Most of my adult life has been spent somewhere around 204 - 215.. And then for the last probably 10 years between 194 & 200... 194 has been my body's happy place... go figure.... So to think of being in the 160's or at my goal weight of around 140ish is so much closer than it's ever been and hard to even imagine.
I saw some old friends that I hadn't seen in probably 10 years and one of them said she had to do a double take!! What a compliment! Then just yesterday my husband said, "you really aren't much bigger than your mom now"! (sorry mom, I hope that's a compliment to you and not an insult) My mom is in the low 140's...
I know I am at one of those highs and I apologize if it seems I am over the top. I've got to take advantage of this while I can. I feel like I need this motivation to keep me going.
I also know this is where you lose sight of the real focus and it becomes easy to focus on the outward appearance. It's such a balance. It's ok to be concerned with how you look and ok to enjoy food but I tend to take it to extremes and lose my focus of what it really is about. That is obedience to the Lord in not letting "this" rule my life but letting Him rule my life.
Thanks Joy and Josie and Kimberlyn(where are you, I miss your posts so much) -- you guys give me so much encouragement! I love to read your blogs. I do believe this has been one of the differences this time for me. WW meetings help but you guys help so much more!! Please keep your daily stories up - they help so much!!
Yesterday, was weigh in day. I knew I had done pretty good for the week because I had tracked and hadn't gone too crazy with extras. So I was down 1.2 lbs YAY! From here on out is the lowest "weight" I have been in over 25 years.. I know I've said that before, recently, but it still amazes me! I feel this "Hope" that this time I'm going to do this!! I don't know something feels different.
So I went to Target to buy a baby shower gift. Decided to get a pair of black jeans. Took a 14 and a 12 to the try on room..... Thought, "well, I should try the 12 on first and get that disappointment over quickly, IT FIT and the waist was actually a little big. I might could have worn a 10... OMG!! I didn't have time to try the 10 on and I believe it would have been too tight but I bet I could have gotten it zipped!!
I am so close to being in the 160's!! I just can't even imagine. For so so long I was over 200 .. Most of my adult life has been spent somewhere around 204 - 215.. And then for the last probably 10 years between 194 & 200... 194 has been my body's happy place... go figure.... So to think of being in the 160's or at my goal weight of around 140ish is so much closer than it's ever been and hard to even imagine.
I saw some old friends that I hadn't seen in probably 10 years and one of them said she had to do a double take!! What a compliment! Then just yesterday my husband said, "you really aren't much bigger than your mom now"! (sorry mom, I hope that's a compliment to you and not an insult) My mom is in the low 140's...
I know I am at one of those highs and I apologize if it seems I am over the top. I've got to take advantage of this while I can. I feel like I need this motivation to keep me going.
I also know this is where you lose sight of the real focus and it becomes easy to focus on the outward appearance. It's such a balance. It's ok to be concerned with how you look and ok to enjoy food but I tend to take it to extremes and lose my focus of what it really is about. That is obedience to the Lord in not letting "this" rule my life but letting Him rule my life.
Thanks Joy and Josie and Kimberlyn(where are you, I miss your posts so much) -- you guys give me so much encouragement! I love to read your blogs. I do believe this has been one of the differences this time for me. WW meetings help but you guys help so much more!! Please keep your daily stories up - they help so much!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Pam's new Groove?!?
This morning was rough! As my friend Terry said, "One of those pure discipline days"! There are 2 spin classes on Friday. One at 5:45am and one at 7:15am.
My husband had the alarm set to go off at 5:15am so I could get up and go. He has the alarm set to "CRICKETS".... So at 5:15 the crickets start chirping... ugh.... I just cant get up and make myself go this early!! Turn those blasted crickets off!
So here's the dilemma - the 5:45 class is easier and the 7:15 class is taught by a crazy guy who really works your tail off! what to do???
I thought about just not going at all - I did clean 2 houses yesterday and I went to class on Wednesday. NOPE! I got myself up and I went to crazy guys class and it was a killer. It was a strength class. My legs are done!
But I feel great!!!
(note to self -- remember this feeling, I feel like I could tackle just about anything right now and I feel like really watching what I eat)
I need to remember this next time so that it will help push me through these times when I just don't want to do it.
I am feeling like I have my groove back. It's been a rough couple of months but I THINK I am refocused and ready to do the next 25-30lbs. That's it, that's all I want to lose! It seems like nothing but I know that it is the hardest - well I hear the last 10 are the hardest.. I hope I will be able to say for myself if it is or not.
I have been trying not to be so focused on food. I have been trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and get my focus right. The real focus should be on my obedience to Christ.
BECAUSE --- "Everything is permissible for me" -- but not everything is beneficial.... I will not be mastered by anything".
I Corinthians 6:12
This is what I am holding on to lately. I have been soo mastered by food. It has driven practically my whole life! This should not be. This verse must be the reason I do this. Not to be a size "whatever".. not to worry about what others are thinking of me but to be able to say that "FOOD IS NOT MY MASTER"!
It is so hard for me not to focus on the size/looks issue - it is a constant struggle BUT my God is stronger than my mind and if I am willing to let Him change it -- HE WILL! I am still begging him to give me a "want to" but for the right reasons. I do believe my heart/mind is changing a little....
My husband had the alarm set to go off at 5:15am so I could get up and go. He has the alarm set to "CRICKETS".... So at 5:15 the crickets start chirping... ugh.... I just cant get up and make myself go this early!! Turn those blasted crickets off!
So here's the dilemma - the 5:45 class is easier and the 7:15 class is taught by a crazy guy who really works your tail off! what to do???
I thought about just not going at all - I did clean 2 houses yesterday and I went to class on Wednesday. NOPE! I got myself up and I went to crazy guys class and it was a killer. It was a strength class. My legs are done!
But I feel great!!!
(note to self -- remember this feeling, I feel like I could tackle just about anything right now and I feel like really watching what I eat)
I need to remember this next time so that it will help push me through these times when I just don't want to do it.
I am feeling like I have my groove back. It's been a rough couple of months but I THINK I am refocused and ready to do the next 25-30lbs. That's it, that's all I want to lose! It seems like nothing but I know that it is the hardest - well I hear the last 10 are the hardest.. I hope I will be able to say for myself if it is or not.
I have been trying not to be so focused on food. I have been trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and get my focus right. The real focus should be on my obedience to Christ.
BECAUSE --- "Everything is permissible for me" -- but not everything is beneficial.... I will not be mastered by anything".
I Corinthians 6:12
This is what I am holding on to lately. I have been soo mastered by food. It has driven practically my whole life! This should not be. This verse must be the reason I do this. Not to be a size "whatever".. not to worry about what others are thinking of me but to be able to say that "FOOD IS NOT MY MASTER"!
It is so hard for me not to focus on the size/looks issue - it is a constant struggle BUT my God is stronger than my mind and if I am willing to let Him change it -- HE WILL! I am still begging him to give me a "want to" but for the right reasons. I do believe my heart/mind is changing a little....
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A Good week! YAY!
I made it to spin classes 2 days last week. The last class I went to kicked my butt - it was a good thing. I loved the instructor. He really pushes you and encourages at the same time. He makes you want to push hard! Great instructor!
So this week my plan is to go Wednesday at 5:45am and then to his class again on Friday at 7:15... This is my accountability!!
I did manage to lose 2lbs this week. I was pretty excited about that. I tracked my food better and all in all did better this past week.
We had my mom & dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary party this past weekend. Their anniversary was in May and we just now had it. Trying to get families together is no easy task!
My brother grilled out chicken and we had salad, baked potatoes and rolls. Then of course Cake...(we have a favorite cake bakery and this cake was so yummy.) I did well, only one slice of cake. The other stuff was no problem for me on this occassion - just the cake was the temtation.
We had a great time and enjoyed everyones company and didn't focus too much on the food.
So this week my plan is to go Wednesday at 5:45am and then to his class again on Friday at 7:15... This is my accountability!!
I did manage to lose 2lbs this week. I was pretty excited about that. I tracked my food better and all in all did better this past week.
We had my mom & dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary party this past weekend. Their anniversary was in May and we just now had it. Trying to get families together is no easy task!
My brother grilled out chicken and we had salad, baked potatoes and rolls. Then of course Cake...(we have a favorite cake bakery and this cake was so yummy.) I did well, only one slice of cake. The other stuff was no problem for me on this occassion - just the cake was the temtation.
We had a great time and enjoyed everyones company and didn't focus too much on the food.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
My "WANT TO"
Honestly, I just havent felt like writing. I gained 2.4 pounds last Saturday! Nothing I cant overcome but it's my attitude that's got me concerned.
I am wanting what I cant have again... badly... It is such a struggle.
I did start spinning classes - i've been once. It is hard to find a time that they offer a spin class that I am available to do it. I am determined to go at a minimum of 2x a week.
I finished reading the book "Made to Crave". I am starting the book over because it addresses the source of my problem and that source is spiritual. The first part of the book ( not even the first chapter ) is entitled "Finding my want to". I can so relate because I can not find my want to at all!!
She says that a vanity seeking "want to" is shallow and will only produce shallow efforts. Yep, I know that's true!
She goes on to say that she asked, she begged, she cried out to God for a spiritual "want to". Each day, He gave her just enough "want to" laced with His strength, to be satisfied by healthy choices.
My focus has to be spiritual and I am crying out to God to give me a spiritual want to. To all who happen to read this simple blog, please pray for me in this. I know that without the Lord's help, this addiction to food is too strong for me to break away all by myself.
I am wanting what I cant have again... badly... It is such a struggle.
I did start spinning classes - i've been once. It is hard to find a time that they offer a spin class that I am available to do it. I am determined to go at a minimum of 2x a week.
I finished reading the book "Made to Crave". I am starting the book over because it addresses the source of my problem and that source is spiritual. The first part of the book ( not even the first chapter ) is entitled "Finding my want to". I can so relate because I can not find my want to at all!!
She says that a vanity seeking "want to" is shallow and will only produce shallow efforts. Yep, I know that's true!
She goes on to say that she asked, she begged, she cried out to God for a spiritual "want to". Each day, He gave her just enough "want to" laced with His strength, to be satisfied by healthy choices.
My focus has to be spiritual and I am crying out to God to give me a spiritual want to. To all who happen to read this simple blog, please pray for me in this. I know that without the Lord's help, this addiction to food is too strong for me to break away all by myself.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Spinning Classes
Yesterday, I re-joined the gym. It's less than 2 miles from our house. I signed up for the spin classes only.
The year before last I did this same thing at about this same time of the year. SO what? Well, I really loved the spin classes. Unfortunately, the classes with the best leader is at 5:45 in the morning. The other thing is - as soon as I started taking the spin classes I started gaining my weight back. My weight right now is pretty much exactly where I was last time So the problem is I am scared that I will do exactly the same thing again and gain my weight back.
At that time, I would go, come home and be so hungry that I ended up eating more food than I usually would. I do think my body needed more food - it is a 45 minute workout. I just don't want to gain this weight back.
So today, I didn't go to the class. Excuses.... I have to get going to town early this am and I have a busy day today and I was up really late the night before. The real excuse is, I'm scared to start! BUT now I am paying money to do this! I will go and I will enjoy (somewhat) the classes but I am nervous about the outcome.
I have watched/read the other bloggers that I read, write about their exercise "life" and thought I really should be doing something. I know that finding time for exercise is something I do "for me" and it does make me feel sooo much better. You'd think that would be enough to motivate me. I would have liked to take up running if I could but I have a bad knee and I broke my ankle years back and I just can't run.
Biking is the next best thing. I want those biker LEGS!! :) So in someways I am excited about doing this again. I still have my shorts, heart monitor and bike shoes... I will pull those out and do my best to start this Thursday. If not before. My 16 year old daughter also signed up and maybe she will help me get going also.
The year before last I did this same thing at about this same time of the year. SO what? Well, I really loved the spin classes. Unfortunately, the classes with the best leader is at 5:45 in the morning. The other thing is - as soon as I started taking the spin classes I started gaining my weight back. My weight right now is pretty much exactly where I was last time So the problem is I am scared that I will do exactly the same thing again and gain my weight back.
At that time, I would go, come home and be so hungry that I ended up eating more food than I usually would. I do think my body needed more food - it is a 45 minute workout. I just don't want to gain this weight back.
So today, I didn't go to the class. Excuses.... I have to get going to town early this am and I have a busy day today and I was up really late the night before. The real excuse is, I'm scared to start! BUT now I am paying money to do this! I will go and I will enjoy (somewhat) the classes but I am nervous about the outcome.
I have watched/read the other bloggers that I read, write about their exercise "life" and thought I really should be doing something. I know that finding time for exercise is something I do "for me" and it does make me feel sooo much better. You'd think that would be enough to motivate me. I would have liked to take up running if I could but I have a bad knee and I broke my ankle years back and I just can't run.
Biking is the next best thing. I want those biker LEGS!! :) So in someways I am excited about doing this again. I still have my shorts, heart monitor and bike shoes... I will pull those out and do my best to start this Thursday. If not before. My 16 year old daughter also signed up and maybe she will help me get going also.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
about time..
Lost this week! Finally!! .8 - not a huge amount but it's got me going again. The paper trackers work for me. Now if I can make it through the weekend with my best friend and our daughters. We are having a mom/daughter weekend at Sandia Resort. FUN FUN!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Why mess around with what's working!
So a few a weeks ago I bought one of WW's 3 month tracker book AND the cute little cover to put it in. I just love to accessorize! Anyway, I've been carrying it around for about a month and have yet to track a full week in it. I had gone16 weeks using the little "free" paper trackers and I tracked pretty much every single day. Yesterday, I gave the cute little cover and 3month tracker to my daughter and went a pulled out a paper tracker and tracked everything for the day! I feel so much better!! Haha!
You know it worked for 16+ weeks, why mess with a good thing. Sometimes just a little thing can throw you off or help you get back on track.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Staying the same....it's not so bad sometimes!
I think that if you stay at EXACTLY the same weight, in my case 175.4, for 3 straight weeks, there should be a BIG AWARD OR STAR STICKER from WW!! there's not... BUT I guess my reward is GRACE because I should have gained and somehow didn't!! So I am trying not to push my luck any longer and get this thing going again.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Is this my Semi - Normal Life?
It seems like in the last month a lot of people have really been struggling with staying on track. Some have been able to refocus and are now striving after that goal again. I am still struggling. I think mostly it is because I have been so out of schedule. The move to the new house, summer, Kaycee being home (and then gone, then home and then gone again for 2 weeks) and now she is home and wanting to get her life going and figured out for the fall. I just cant seem to find a routine for me!
I am off track in so many things that I want and need to be doing. Like having quiet time, reading my bible, writing down my 1000 gifts, taking my pills.... These are really essentials and I cant seem to get it all going again. I'll do fine for a morning, maybe a day, and then I find myself off track again. I feel like I have no control over my day. It's being run partly by teenagers with VERY important things that we must do. That's not all though. I did take a weeks vacation with my husband while teenager #2 was in Guatemala. We have celebrated teenager #2 turning 16 with 2 different parties now. ( I think we are done with that ) Just a lot of different, out of the ordinary stuff going on. Or is it???
I am trying to give myself a break and tell myself that all this will straighten out and we will be back to a semi - normal lifestyle soon. But then, I really think that "this" is my semi-normal lifestyle and I need to figure out how to stay on track with everything that is really important in the midst of all this. Deep down I am afraid I will not get my focus back and I'll gain all the weight I've lost back and have to start over yet another time!! As of last Saturday I had stayed steady on the scales ( kinda like maintenance ) but I feel myself slipping. I don't want to start over!!!!
Another change that is happening is that teenager #2 has decided that homeschooling was/is better than public school. I AGREE!! So she is going to home school her last two years at home. She did very well at public school and we would have supported her if she had wanted to go back. I am very glad she made this decision. She has made some very mature decisions in the last few months and I am very proud of her. But I have to change gears and add "homeschooling Mom" to my list once again. ( I had forgotten the excitement of receiving "the curriculum" in the mail )
So, This is where I am at. I haven't felt up to writing for several reasons -all this life craziness being one. Another reason is that after reading so many other blogs I feel like mine is so scattered and hard to read. Most of these other blogs are so well written. I feel like a first grader writing with a bunch of seniors!!
When I started this blog I said that it was FOR ME - so I could remember how I was feeling on this journey. I need to remember that reason and stop comparing it to others. Writing is not my gift but I do enjoy it. So I am going to get this part of my life back on track and who knows maybe this blog was helping me more than I realized!
 |
| Guatemala July 2011 |
 |
| Teenager #2 in Guatemala |
 |
| Teenager #2's - 16th birthday party! |
 |
| Teenager # 2 with her little friends in Guatemala |
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Heart
A new week and I am feeling better. I have had a few thoughts running through my head and I want to put them down before I forget them.
I gained at our Saturday weigh in +.2 - not a lot and it could have been and maybe should have been more. As I think about losing weight and living life I can't help but think that the last few weeks that I have not been AS focused --- have been.. well, ok. I had a lot of things going on. Life altering things!
I don't want to be so totally focused on my weight and food that that is all I think about and that is all my life revolves around.
I read in the book, "Made to Crave", that Lysa was either feeling guilt over what she had eaten or feeling deprived over what she didn't allow herself to eat. EXACTLY!! She was allowing Satan to keep her in a place where victory was never to be had. I know that feeling! This simple observation has really got me thinking about how I live my life. I can see this same thing happening in other areas of my life other than food. I believe that this is one of those small changes that somehow amount to big changes down the road. You know when you wake up one day and realize, "that isn't a problem anymore - how did I get to this point"?
Anyway, this is where the change is happening - in my head. The weight is going to follow. It may take another year or two to get to my goal but I know that the body follows the mind. A few days or weeks off focus is not going to make me fail. It's the change inside of me that is going to be what keeps me going. I have a hope!! I am still struggling with a lot of issues - some weight related some relationship related but I can see that some major mindsets are being challenged and changed.
I am still looking at issue of "what I feel I deserve or am entitled to". I had a light bulb come on when I realized that this is not just a food related issue and that some of my problems with my relationship with my husband is due to this way of thinking also. I have been feeling like I deserve or should be entitled to MORE compassion or thoughtfulness, or - fill in the blank from him. I am not saying that he shouldn't be more compassionate or whatever. I am just saying that I am starting to see that my mood, my happiness, my anger or way I treat him depends on whether or not I feel that he has or hasn't given me what I deserve. I have been thinking that I DESERVE so much more than he was giving and then it would make me mad mad if I didn't get what I thought I should have!! WHO DO I THINK I AM?!?! Do I not sound like the Queen of the land or a spoiled rotten child? ugh.... UGLINESS!!
I'm thinking that this is probably something that God cares a great deal about. It's an ugly part of my heart and He is all about changing that. Maybe it has come to the point where He had to get my attention to this through food? I am pretty thick skulled and it takes me a long time to GET it! The weight and health of my body is important but I know that God's concern is always about the heart. Hhhmmmm......
I gained at our Saturday weigh in +.2 - not a lot and it could have been and maybe should have been more. As I think about losing weight and living life I can't help but think that the last few weeks that I have not been AS focused --- have been.. well, ok. I had a lot of things going on. Life altering things!
I don't want to be so totally focused on my weight and food that that is all I think about and that is all my life revolves around.
I read in the book, "Made to Crave", that Lysa was either feeling guilt over what she had eaten or feeling deprived over what she didn't allow herself to eat. EXACTLY!! She was allowing Satan to keep her in a place where victory was never to be had. I know that feeling! This simple observation has really got me thinking about how I live my life. I can see this same thing happening in other areas of my life other than food. I believe that this is one of those small changes that somehow amount to big changes down the road. You know when you wake up one day and realize, "that isn't a problem anymore - how did I get to this point"?
Anyway, this is where the change is happening - in my head. The weight is going to follow. It may take another year or two to get to my goal but I know that the body follows the mind. A few days or weeks off focus is not going to make me fail. It's the change inside of me that is going to be what keeps me going. I have a hope!! I am still struggling with a lot of issues - some weight related some relationship related but I can see that some major mindsets are being challenged and changed.
I am still looking at issue of "what I feel I deserve or am entitled to". I had a light bulb come on when I realized that this is not just a food related issue and that some of my problems with my relationship with my husband is due to this way of thinking also. I have been feeling like I deserve or should be entitled to MORE compassion or thoughtfulness, or - fill in the blank from him. I am not saying that he shouldn't be more compassionate or whatever. I am just saying that I am starting to see that my mood, my happiness, my anger or way I treat him depends on whether or not I feel that he has or hasn't given me what I deserve. I have been thinking that I DESERVE so much more than he was giving and then it would make me mad mad if I didn't get what I thought I should have!! WHO DO I THINK I AM?!?! Do I not sound like the Queen of the land or a spoiled rotten child? ugh.... UGLINESS!!
I'm thinking that this is probably something that God cares a great deal about. It's an ugly part of my heart and He is all about changing that. Maybe it has come to the point where He had to get my attention to this through food? I am pretty thick skulled and it takes me a long time to GET it! The weight and health of my body is important but I know that God's concern is always about the heart. Hhhmmmm......
Monday, July 11, 2011
Acceptence
I have had such a hard time the last few weeks. I don't know really what my deal is. I am at the lowest weight I have been at in over 25+ years and I seem to be sabbotaging myself - again.
I went to WW on Saturday and had actually lost a quarter of a pound. The week before I had gained 1.4 So you'd think I'd be encouraged to keep going down that losing path. But I find myself just eating whatever sounds good and of course having way too many points/calories for the day.
This is the way life is a lot of the time. I have to learn to keep up my healthier habits during these times. I have lost track of reading my Bible, memorizing scripture, doing my bible study, keeping my graditude journal, no food tracking, forgetting to take my meds. There has been nothing in my day that filled me back up. I feel as dry spiritually as I ever have. I feel as if I am the ball in a pinball machine!
So here I am, Monday morning, trying to get a reboot going. My mind is so cluttered with things "I need to do". I have only today to get the majority of stuff done around here. The rest of the week is pretty full. Nothing that I can really reschedule. I need to start with doing what I know to do. Read my Bible, continue my graditude journal, track my eating and take those stupid meds. I think I am trying to make it harder than it really is. I know that my spiritual life is so closely tied to my physical life.
I do believe exhaustion plays a huge part in all this. I am so emotionally and physically tried that all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall for a day! ( I really don't think I could do that but it feels like I could right now)
One of the things I have been thinking about is how much the acceptence of my lot in life plays in how I handle things. I have felt that life has been so unfair to me in the area of my weight. "I deserve to be able to eat more than "this amount". I would get down right mad about it. Now as I look at that reaction in the area of food, I realize that I also have that reaction in a whole lot of other areas of my life too. YUCK!
It makes me think of that verse in the bible where Paul says, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am". (Phillipians 4:11ish, The Message)
I want to have that type of attitude and in some areas I have had a mindset change. I am no longer angry about the food issue. I believe I am coming to accept it. I just didn't realize all the other areas that were really affected also. God is the One who gives us the strength but I am the one who has to put it all into practice.
I pray for a better week for all those who I have read about in the last few blogs that are struggling with different issues but are so similar to mine. We can do all things through Christ - who strengthens us!
I went to WW on Saturday and had actually lost a quarter of a pound. The week before I had gained 1.4 So you'd think I'd be encouraged to keep going down that losing path. But I find myself just eating whatever sounds good and of course having way too many points/calories for the day.
This is the way life is a lot of the time. I have to learn to keep up my healthier habits during these times. I have lost track of reading my Bible, memorizing scripture, doing my bible study, keeping my graditude journal, no food tracking, forgetting to take my meds. There has been nothing in my day that filled me back up. I feel as dry spiritually as I ever have. I feel as if I am the ball in a pinball machine!
So here I am, Monday morning, trying to get a reboot going. My mind is so cluttered with things "I need to do". I have only today to get the majority of stuff done around here. The rest of the week is pretty full. Nothing that I can really reschedule. I need to start with doing what I know to do. Read my Bible, continue my graditude journal, track my eating and take those stupid meds. I think I am trying to make it harder than it really is. I know that my spiritual life is so closely tied to my physical life.
I do believe exhaustion plays a huge part in all this. I am so emotionally and physically tried that all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall for a day! ( I really don't think I could do that but it feels like I could right now)
One of the things I have been thinking about is how much the acceptence of my lot in life plays in how I handle things. I have felt that life has been so unfair to me in the area of my weight. "I deserve to be able to eat more than "this amount". I would get down right mad about it. Now as I look at that reaction in the area of food, I realize that I also have that reaction in a whole lot of other areas of my life too. YUCK!
It makes me think of that verse in the bible where Paul says, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am". (Phillipians 4:11ish, The Message)
I want to have that type of attitude and in some areas I have had a mindset change. I am no longer angry about the food issue. I believe I am coming to accept it. I just didn't realize all the other areas that were really affected also. God is the One who gives us the strength but I am the one who has to put it all into practice.
I pray for a better week for all those who I have read about in the last few blogs that are struggling with different issues but are so similar to mine. We can do all things through Christ - who strengthens us!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Are You going to be a Grumbler or a Glorifier!?!
Yesterday, my sweet little nephew, Ben, was starting to get an attitude. My sister asked if he was going to be a grumbler or a glorifier -- without any hesitation, he said, "A GLORIFIER"!! And immediately he changed his little attitude.
Oh, to be able to quickly become a glorifier when life is dragging me down. I deleted the past post, "Being a Whiner", because that's all it was was grumbling. I have been grumbling all week. I don't want to be a grumbler -- I want to be a Glorifier!
So today I Choose to Be a Glorifier! How about YOU?
Oh, to be able to quickly become a glorifier when life is dragging me down. I deleted the past post, "Being a Whiner", because that's all it was was grumbling. I have been grumbling all week. I don't want to be a grumbler -- I want to be a Glorifier!
So today I Choose to Be a Glorifier! How about YOU?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Old habits die hard
This week has been full of challenges. I am not doing well keeping up with my tracking and I am eating way too much. It all started with the graduation party and I haven't been able to get myself back on track yet.
Even though I feel so much better and have reached goals that I didn't believe I would ever be able to reach - I am falling right back into old habits so quickly. I know that when I eat late in the evening I feel like crap-o-la in the morning. I love love love being able to fit in smaller clothes. I love having more energy. I love the not so full feeling. I just don't understand why it's so easy to go right back to doing what made me so miserable. I am trying to sort through this and learn from it.
1. We had the party - it threw me off
2. My husband had to go on a business trip this week.
3. We are moving to a different house. We just decided to move less than 2 weeks ago. We have to be out by July 1st - so much to do to move.
Those are the big things - there are several smaller issues going on also.
So what all this means is that I have been very busy and have not planned and have not taken the time to write stuff down. I am living in a whirlwind. My friend told me I needed to give myself some grace. She is probably right. I just don't want to let this get too out of hand. I am up a couple of pounds. I am tired and I need to get some sleep.
Even though I feel so much better and have reached goals that I didn't believe I would ever be able to reach - I am falling right back into old habits so quickly. I know that when I eat late in the evening I feel like crap-o-la in the morning. I love love love being able to fit in smaller clothes. I love having more energy. I love the not so full feeling. I just don't understand why it's so easy to go right back to doing what made me so miserable. I am trying to sort through this and learn from it.
1. We had the party - it threw me off
2. My husband had to go on a business trip this week.
3. We are moving to a different house. We just decided to move less than 2 weeks ago. We have to be out by July 1st - so much to do to move.
Those are the big things - there are several smaller issues going on also.
So what all this means is that I have been very busy and have not planned and have not taken the time to write stuff down. I am living in a whirlwind. My friend told me I needed to give myself some grace. She is probably right. I just don't want to let this get too out of hand. I am up a couple of pounds. I am tired and I need to get some sleep.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Cream Puff Confessions
Saturday we celebrated my son's High schood graduation. I made 5 briskets and my son wanted cheesecake, cream puffs and mini eclairs instead of cake or cupcakes. We sent out about 125 invites and because of it being Fathers Day weekend we didn't have as many people show up as would have if we had done it another weekend. This ended up being a good thing. Not sure how many people did come but I was scared I would run out of food. We didn't, we had just enough and a few left overs.
I ate way - way too many cream puffs, eclairs and cheesecake bites! The brisket was good also but I didn't OD on it like I did the other. So, today, I have been trying to get back on track. I have done pretty good so far. I had Green Chili Stew instead of a Hamburger and fries... at the Casino (Mmmm Green Chili Stew is so good, if you've never had New Mexico Green Chili you don't know what you're missing). I really wanted that hamburger but decided I would save it for another time when I didn't have such an elaborate weekend.
Went to WW weigh in on Saturday -- before all the cream puffs.. I had lost .4 (hubby lost 1.2)
which I was very excited to lose! I am at 6 weeks with no gains!! I'm a little nervous about the next weigh in - just because of all weekend eating.
After the Grad party on Saturday - my brother and his wife invited us over for BBQ Ribs on Sunday. OMG, they were so good. I didn't go crazy but I had too much.
I was thinking though.... in the past I would have eaten more and would then beat myself up over it. This time, I did eat too much but I didn't beat myself up and I think because I didn't - I haven't felt so down about it and I have been able to HIT my reset button and move on. That is progress and I am excited about that. My mind set is changing!!
I finally set a goal for myself. I didn't realize you got a little charm for you key ring at 25lbs. I love those little incentives! I had told my husband that when I reached that I'd like a pedicure, but I am not too sure that a pedicure is a big enough incentive. I mean ... it's a pedicure... I don't know .... what do you think?
I ate way - way too many cream puffs, eclairs and cheesecake bites! The brisket was good also but I didn't OD on it like I did the other. So, today, I have been trying to get back on track. I have done pretty good so far. I had Green Chili Stew instead of a Hamburger and fries... at the Casino (Mmmm Green Chili Stew is so good, if you've never had New Mexico Green Chili you don't know what you're missing). I really wanted that hamburger but decided I would save it for another time when I didn't have such an elaborate weekend.
Went to WW weigh in on Saturday -- before all the cream puffs.. I had lost .4 (hubby lost 1.2)
which I was very excited to lose! I am at 6 weeks with no gains!! I'm a little nervous about the next weigh in - just because of all weekend eating.
After the Grad party on Saturday - my brother and his wife invited us over for BBQ Ribs on Sunday. OMG, they were so good. I didn't go crazy but I had too much.
I was thinking though.... in the past I would have eaten more and would then beat myself up over it. This time, I did eat too much but I didn't beat myself up and I think because I didn't - I haven't felt so down about it and I have been able to HIT my reset button and move on. That is progress and I am excited about that. My mind set is changing!!
I finally set a goal for myself. I didn't realize you got a little charm for you key ring at 25lbs. I love those little incentives! I had told my husband that when I reached that I'd like a pedicure, but I am not too sure that a pedicure is a big enough incentive. I mean ... it's a pedicure... I don't know .... what do you think?
Monday, June 13, 2011
Exercise - a juggling act
Weigh in on Saturday was a success! I was down 1 pound! I have had a loss for the past 5 weeks and I am pretty happy about that. I am still on track for my November goal.
I had a decently good week. I seem to be in a groove for the time. I have not been too tempted by cake and sweets. I just feel like pressing on. For me that is unusual. I hope this means I am growing in my spiritual life. I have been trying to study my Bible everyday and I am writing down 5 of my 1000 gifts each day. Maybe the different focus is helping.
As of this weigh in -- I am at the lowest I have been since the 1980's. Unbelievable. I am so excited to feel better than I do even now. I can't imagine wearing smaller sizes than I have worn in over 20 years. I really am having a hard time envisioning what all that looks like. What I do know is that, so far, what I have been doing is working and I will just continue on doing what I've been doing.
I have been thinking about exercise. I know it is important. One of the things that happened last time I did WW was that I started going to the gym at 5:45am to do a spin class (which I loved) I was getting fitter but I started gaining some weight back. I had a hard time juggling everything and getting up so early and I wasnt able to go to bed earlier because of my kids schedules. It just got to be too much. The other times they offered the spin classes did not work for me and my family. I ended up giving up on both the spin class and WW.
I have this mental picture of me spinning plates and I have WW and all the other things in my life spinning pretty good and if I try to add one more plate(in this case, exercise) I lose all the plates. Do I sound like I am just making excuses?!? I hope not!
As much as I would like to go back to spin classes, I feel the time is just not right - yet. I am losing without going to spin class or doing any scheduled exercise. I am trying to find ways to just get out and be active. I start feeling like I "NEED" to be doing more. I have to keep reminding myself that what I am doing right now is working. There will come a time, maybe soon, when what I am doing doesnt work as well and I may need to figure out a way to get back to the spin classes or whatever.
It has really helped to read Annie's blog about her weight loss journey without much exercise and now she has a desire to exercise. It was like I was given permission to not worry about this yet. Somehow this has really helped me.
I had a decently good week. I seem to be in a groove for the time. I have not been too tempted by cake and sweets. I just feel like pressing on. For me that is unusual. I hope this means I am growing in my spiritual life. I have been trying to study my Bible everyday and I am writing down 5 of my 1000 gifts each day. Maybe the different focus is helping.
As of this weigh in -- I am at the lowest I have been since the 1980's. Unbelievable. I am so excited to feel better than I do even now. I can't imagine wearing smaller sizes than I have worn in over 20 years. I really am having a hard time envisioning what all that looks like. What I do know is that, so far, what I have been doing is working and I will just continue on doing what I've been doing.
I have been thinking about exercise. I know it is important. One of the things that happened last time I did WW was that I started going to the gym at 5:45am to do a spin class (which I loved) I was getting fitter but I started gaining some weight back. I had a hard time juggling everything and getting up so early and I wasnt able to go to bed earlier because of my kids schedules. It just got to be too much. The other times they offered the spin classes did not work for me and my family. I ended up giving up on both the spin class and WW.
I have this mental picture of me spinning plates and I have WW and all the other things in my life spinning pretty good and if I try to add one more plate(in this case, exercise) I lose all the plates. Do I sound like I am just making excuses?!? I hope not!
As much as I would like to go back to spin classes, I feel the time is just not right - yet. I am losing without going to spin class or doing any scheduled exercise. I am trying to find ways to just get out and be active. I start feeling like I "NEED" to be doing more. I have to keep reminding myself that what I am doing right now is working. There will come a time, maybe soon, when what I am doing doesnt work as well and I may need to figure out a way to get back to the spin classes or whatever.
It has really helped to read Annie's blog about her weight loss journey without much exercise and now she has a desire to exercise. It was like I was given permission to not worry about this yet. Somehow this has really helped me.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Posting a comment problem
I have no idea if this will help but I found that I could post a comment to certain people. Here's what I found.... The blog sites that use the popup window option for comments would allow me to post a comment. Those that didn't have this option it would not let me post...
(The way you change this is you go to - Settings - then Comments then choose the poput window option under Comment form placement. ) I did not have this option checked for mine.
Some people were still able to post a comment to my blog, so it really doesnt make sense but it's worth a try. Keelie and Kimberlynn both have the popup window thing and I can post to their blogs. But I can't post to Joy or Wendys site... ???
(The way you change this is you go to - Settings - then Comments then choose the poput window option under Comment form placement. ) I did not have this option checked for mine.
Some people were still able to post a comment to my blog, so it really doesnt make sense but it's worth a try. Keelie and Kimberlynn both have the popup window thing and I can post to their blogs. But I can't post to Joy or Wendys site... ???
What really matters...
Getting ready for my sons Graduation Party. We sent out over 100 invites. We are having it the day before Fathers Day so I am not expecting a lot of people. But I don't know for sure! I tend to overdue on everything from cleaning before hand to the food. I am trying to just get the things done that really matter. Just need to figure out what those things are. My husband is power washing the deck..... I did not ask him to do this..... not too sure this is one of those things that matter... do you hear the sarcasm? It's fine, though, if he wants to do that, whatever. We have such different ideas of what is important and I am trying to realize that for some reason POWER WASHING the deck is important to him. :-/
I am doing fair this week on my eating. I think after Saturdays great loss and meeting some big goals I sort of let myself off the hook for a few days. I really loved the Reset button that Kimberlynn talked about and have used that "thought" several times this week! Thanks Kimberlyn, I would have posted a comment but well.. you know this thing isn't letting me.
I did weigh on my scales today. MY scales say 179 (YAY, below 180) which actually means more like 174 - 175. It's asmall huge victory to be below 180 on my scales. I am getting some what nervous about the next few weeks because this is where I quit before. I want to believe that this time is and will be different. And, already, in a lot of ways it is.
This blog thing has been huge for me. To read all y'alls blogs and know that you guys have dealt with a lot of the same issues as I have and you are succeeding - that is a huge motivator. So that is one of the biggest differences this time. I have some very close friends who do encourage me but you guys are "like" me. I relate so well with what y'all are going through ( except for that walking thing ). To see that you have bad days (weeks) but you don't quit. I am so very thankful for y'all being honest!!
I also realize that my head is changing too. What really matters is that I am getting closer to accepting that this is the way I need to eat for the rest of my life and I am slowly - very slowly - coming to grips with that.
I really need to set some new goals and rewards. So I think I will start working on that!
I am doing fair this week on my eating. I think after Saturdays great loss and meeting some big goals I sort of let myself off the hook for a few days. I really loved the Reset button that Kimberlynn talked about and have used that "thought" several times this week! Thanks Kimberlyn, I would have posted a comment but well.. you know this thing isn't letting me.
I did weigh on my scales today. MY scales say 179 (YAY, below 180) which actually means more like 174 - 175. It's a
This blog thing has been huge for me. To read all y'alls blogs and know that you guys have dealt with a lot of the same issues as I have and you are succeeding - that is a huge motivator. So that is one of the biggest differences this time. I have some very close friends who do encourage me but you guys are "like" me. I relate so well with what y'all are going through ( except for that walking thing ). To see that you have bad days (weeks) but you don't quit. I am so very thankful for y'all being honest!!
I also realize that my head is changing too. What really matters is that I am getting closer to accepting that this is the way I need to eat for the rest of my life and I am slowly - very slowly - coming to grips with that.
I really need to set some new goals and rewards. So I think I will start working on that!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Enjoying the rewards of meeting some goals!
Saturday -- Get up early and weigh in day! It was worth it today though!! Several good things.
1st. - I lost 2.2lbs. I was scared I wasn't going to lose much, if any, with the week I had had.
2nd. - that put me at my 10% -- Yay! Got my key chain! love it!
3rd. - I am only .2 of a pound from my lowest weight in over 20+ years!!
4th. - I am a little over half way to my November Goal!!! My cute little ladybug is at the half way point. :)
I am really stoked at this point and cant wait to be below my all time low. I had a rough week and I was able to make it through, successfully. The week before was not a good week as far as keeping my points at a low and I went out several times that week. So I know that in the two weeks combined I actually did well. I did keep my food tracker current and wrote down EVERYthing - even if I hated to admit I had eaten it.
I will continue to do what I am doing and find ways to set my goals in front of me and make some new small goals and rewards.
Also, another great thing today. My husband and daughter have started going to WW also. This was my husbands 3rd week and my daughters 1st. Hubby lost 2.4 and Kaycee lost 5.8!! We lost over 10lbs together this week!
1st. - I lost 2.2lbs. I was scared I wasn't going to lose much, if any, with the week I had had.
2nd. - that put me at my 10% -- Yay! Got my key chain! love it!
3rd. - I am only .2 of a pound from my lowest weight in over 20+ years!!
4th. - I am a little over half way to my November Goal!!! My cute little ladybug is at the half way point. :)
I am really stoked at this point and cant wait to be below my all time low. I had a rough week and I was able to make it through, successfully. The week before was not a good week as far as keeping my points at a low and I went out several times that week. So I know that in the two weeks combined I actually did well. I did keep my food tracker current and wrote down EVERYthing - even if I hated to admit I had eaten it.
I will continue to do what I am doing and find ways to set my goals in front of me and make some new small goals and rewards.
Also, another great thing today. My husband and daughter have started going to WW also. This was my husbands 3rd week and my daughters 1st. Hubby lost 2.4 and Kaycee lost 5.8!! We lost over 10lbs together this week!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Problems with posting comments
I am still having problems posting a comment to anyone's blog!! Anyone else having this problem? Ha guess if you are you cant answer my post! Oh well - if you can post a comment and you know what's going on please let me know!
Getting to the November Goal
I need to figure out a way to see my goals more often. I also need to set some more short term goals. I don't want to over load myself but I do best when I am working toward something. I don't even have a reward picked out for my next goal.
I have a long term goal of losing an average of 1lb per week until my birthday - which is ON thanksgiving this year. That will put me in the 150's and I can not even imagine that!! I did some calculating this mornig and I am on track right at an average of 1.25 loss per week. This includes my initial "big" weight losses so I have to really get going if I am going to keep this average up.
I welcome any ideas of how to keep the goals in front of you. And any reward ideas!
I have a long term goal of losing an average of 1lb per week until my birthday - which is ON thanksgiving this year. That will put me in the 150's and I can not even imagine that!! I did some calculating this mornig and I am on track right at an average of 1.25 loss per week. This includes my initial "big" weight losses so I have to really get going if I am going to keep this average up.
I welcome any ideas of how to keep the goals in front of you. And any reward ideas!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Thank Goodness for those extra points!
Had a great day yesterday with my sister and her boys. I just love it when they come out. But I had a hard day eating within my points. Just kept wanting more than I should have.. I usually use about 5-10 of my extra points each day - I just cant seem to stay within my 29 allowed!! So by 8 - 9 pm I was still wanting something. I had already used 5 extra points. My husband says, in a kinda na na na voice (at least thats how I heard it), "Gosh, I am just having trouble eating all my points each day this week - yesterday I had 5 left over and today I've got 14". I wanted to slug him!! Nicely of course... Anyway - so he's eating his little skinny cow ice cream and watching tv and I am sitting there just trying not to get up and go get something. I guess I could have had fruit... :-( blah! I did well - sorta, I didn't have any thing but a couple of bites of Kraft Mac 'n Cheese that I was making for my son. Yes at 9pm, he had been at work and then church. So I finally went to bed thinking, I'll just go to sleep. Well at 1:30am I wake up and I cant stand it no longer, my stomachs growling and I go have a nutrigrain bar and a cup of FF milk... I know eating that late makes me feel ick in the morning but it helps me sleep. And sleep I did after that. I feel kinda icky now though. So I don't know whats up with all that.
I did get on the scales though - my scales always are about 4-5 pounds off. I had been weighing about 184 ish on them. Today, I am down to 180 and I even saw for a brief second 179!! whooo hoooo! So I am motivated to do better today.
I am learning somedays are just like the one yesterday and you do the best you can do and THEN YOU DON'T GIVE UP! You will get there if you don't quit!! someone said that recently and it's stuck with me. So thanks whoever said it!!
Today I am off to clean a 6 hour house with Laura - we get lots of activity points today! And then we go get our large diet cherry coke at Sonic. mmm cant wait!
I did get on the scales though - my scales always are about 4-5 pounds off. I had been weighing about 184 ish on them. Today, I am down to 180 and I even saw for a brief second 179!! whooo hoooo! So I am motivated to do better today.
I am learning somedays are just like the one yesterday and you do the best you can do and THEN YOU DON'T GIVE UP! You will get there if you don't quit!! someone said that recently and it's stuck with me. So thanks whoever said it!!
Today I am off to clean a 6 hour house with Laura - we get lots of activity points today! And then we go get our large diet cherry coke at Sonic. mmm cant wait!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
5K
Yesterday, my husband, daughter and I went on a "hike" (hahaha) on one of the trails on the mountain that is like less than 5 miles from our house. It was a 1 3/4 mile hike. We were not sure if it meant 1 3/4 total but when we met a ranger on the trail and asked he said we were half way and it was 1 3/4 in and then back. My daughter did not want to do the whole thing (she's 15) so we went a little further then turned around. We ended up doing about 2 miles total. So even though we didn't do the whole trail we still did well to do what we did!
As I have said, I don't like to walk but I want to get to the "goal". So I was totally prepared to go the whole distance. I am all about getting to a goal.... that tells me something doesn't it? So for me to walk for walking sake is a total drag but you give me a goal (and a trinket) and I want to do it!! So I guess I need to set some walking goals!! My husband and I are going back soon to do this same trail again - without little missy!! :-) and hopefully do the whole trail!
GRADITUDE
My problem is trust .... How can I trust that God won't allow something like the "tornados" to happen to my 18 year old. And those babies! I thought that I had long ago resolved this issue in my heart and I did trust God with my life and all those I love but man o man, this week I have found out that that issue is not resolved and it has ripped open my heart. I have not wanted to go there but I've found myself almost forced. So, I am trying the 1000 gifts journal - listing 1000 things I am thankful for. It's harder for me than I thought. I am only at about 30... I am finding it extremely hard to give thanks when I am soooo upset with my husband over whatever. But that's what we are called to do. Give thanks in everything. And then Ann says when we do this we will find joy. That it is a new way of Seeing in life and the result is a true Trust in God.
So I've began my journey here - already I know I am changing but it's hard. I am crying so much as I look at thispart of me. I feel like I am being broken and God is putting me back together a little differently. I am wrestling with God on the Trust issue. I've been here before (at least a little bit ) and I know in the end there is peace. I just don't know what I will have to go through to get there. The unknown is scary and requires trust that God knows what He is doing and is doing it for my benefit. It's easy to "say" that I believe that God knows what He is doing and that it's for my own good, I know that is the right answer, I 've been in church all my life and I know the right churchy answers. BUT do I really trust God in the "Big" Hurts? (ie.. a horrible death to someone I love, like the tornadoes or a car accident) The first step is recognizing where you're at, right? I am at - I DON'T KNOW IF I DO TRUST HIM THERE, but I want to be at that place. Bad things happen to Christians (unsaved too) that we don't understand and I realize that I will never understand why but I want to be at that place of acceptance.
Ann gives her testimony of how she wrestled with this and found joy and peace. It's all about Graditude - Thanks - Seeing life as a gift! So, Here I go.....
Friday, May 27, 2011
Lots of Potatoes!
Yesterday, my best friend, Laura and I cleaned a house and then cleaned windows at her mothers house. We have been doing this for years now. The window cleaning is once or twice a year and it's good money. We do have to climb a ladder and go on the roof for a couple of the widows - ha ha I say "we", I am scared of heights and have never been the one to climb the ladder!! She said after doing part of the upper windows, "We are getting too old for this"! I replied, "I think it's because we have like 6 bags of 5lb potatoes strapped to our bodies and we are trying to do this with them attached to us". So I am not so sure if it is our age (47 & 49) or if it's our weight, probably it's a combination. But that got me thinking.... Really, to begin with I had about 10 bags of potatoes strapped to me. I've dropped off almost 4 bags! If you are trying to do anything physical 10 bags of potatoes will make a huge difference. I feel so much better going up and down our stairs here at the house than when I started and I know it's because I've lost 4 bags of potatoes! :) I am trying to imagine another 6 bags gone! What would I feel like? I have so much more energy today than a few months ago.
So today, this will be my accountability, I am going to go do my 5k walk. I had planned to do this today with Laura but she had to go and schedule an appointment for today and can't make it! When she told me I thought well that's it I can't go either. But sometime during the night while I was lying there thinking of how we were going to fit 125 people in our house for my son's graduation party, I thought, why can't I go by myself? I can take my music and just go! So my plan is to go do this by myself. I just hope I can make it!! I can always stop and rest a long the way if I have too, right? I just want that darned little weight watcher charm for doing the 5k. I want it tomorrow so I have to do this today! So funny how a little charm can motivate me! Hey - whatever works!!
So - I am headed for town to go walk around the Academy! and after, maybe, I'll stop at a few yardsales! I'm gonna have a fun day - right by my own self! Miss Laura, you're missing out!!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Bingo, Friends and a Pill Box!
I went to Bingo with a few of my friends. Lisa, one of my best friends and fellow WW, was celebrating her birthday there. You get a free electronic Bingo device on your birthday. So our Bible study group usually goes when it is someones birthday. I know that's kind of strange that a Bible Study group goes to a casino but we do... Anyway, none of us EVER win but it's a good time to talk and laugh. One of the problems is that there is a great food court - and it's cheap. (probably cheap food, too) So I ended up eating way too many points. I think I had a total of 58 for the day! I thought I had selected decently but I didn't get the point values until after I got home... mistake... So now I have made a note in my ipod with some of the point values there (guesstimates) so that next time I am a little more prepared.
I didn't lose much money at all there - for bingo and eats and a couple of slots I ended up spending $20 - I always set a limit and I only take that amount. But at one point I was ahead about $20 - I just go expecting to use my 20 and if I happen to win then that's a bonus. We all say though that the Casino has especially "GOOD" Coca Cola! So I did have a couple cups of that. Here is a picture of one cup! Mmmmm
After that I decided that instead of rewarding myself with Mexican food I wanted to get the little "pill box" I had seen a couple weeks ago. It holds 8 days and will fit nicely in my purse. I just can't seem to remember to take my meds and I usually remember when I am out away from the house. So this should help! It's all sparkly with seashells and beachy stuff - things I love! Maybe one reward down the road will be when I can turn it into a Tylenol only box!Today I am heading in to help out my mom & dad at the Flea market. We've had a good weekend, lots of things have sold and I need to go decorate!! One of my favorite things to do. It's like decorating someone elses home and it's always changing! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I hate moving furniture and luging stuff around but the rewards there are I get to decorate! Maybe I'll post a picture of our little booth (boof, as my nephew calls it) sometime in the future.
Thanks so much for all the encouraging comments you guys have posted lately. I can not believe how much it carries me through the day - I love getting to know you guys!
Monday, May 23, 2011
VICTORY !
Saturday weigh in -finally!!! I had to wait an extra few days for this weigh in since I changed from Tuesdays to Saturday. I was a little scared that the extra days would make it harder to get below that 180 goal. BUT I DID IT!! I am so excited. I lost 1.4 this week +. My husband lost 5.8 - He is doing great. I had said that when I got below 180 I wanted to go to Sadies Mexican Restuarant. But now I'm not so excited about going, I think I'd rather spend my reward money on something else. I want to keep going with the weight loss. BUT I am also stressing about being around 178ish. Why? because last time I was at WW this is where I stopped. I am not having the same exact feelings that I had then. Which were - I was tired of doing this and I just wanted to eat what I wanted and not have to count points and I wanted to be able to eat MORE quantity of food. So I am having mixed feelings about this. Part of me really wants to go on and get beyond this and part of me is saying, "you'll never make it, this is where you give up". I am fighting that voice but as you all know it is hard. It's a voice that has been around a long time and sounds so much like my own. So as I go ahead this week I am going to go to the Lord, I know that if things are to be different this time it will be because of His power and certainly not mine. I have been reading about how much worth we have because of the price He paid and that we were made to have victory over these things that control us. So in the power of Jesus Christ I will be an overcomer!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Some non food rewards
The past couple of weeks have been so busy but I have been wanting to blog about a couple of non-food rewards that happened. I have such a horrible memory (mom & dad say it's hereditary) so I need to write this stuff down or it's forever gone in my brain!
This past week my friend, Robin and I went to lunch and then to Kohl's. We hardly ever get to go out to eat so I said let's pick something different. We picked California Pizza Kitchen ( CPK ) and it didn't disappoint us at all. We split a half salad - Chinese Chicken Salad - very yummy. Then we got the Jamaican Jerk Chicken Pizza. I had two slices of the pizza (12pts) and my half of the salad (5pts). I think this is pretty close points wise. It sure was good! We then went to Kohl's. She was looking for "stuff" to take to Guatemala this summer. I didn't have anything I really needed so I just "tried on" stuff. FUN!! when you can pull a 14 from the rack AND IT FITS!! WHOO HOO. But the really cool thing was a couple of the things were too big! I needed a 12!! omg - i don't remember the last time I could wear a 12. Maybe 1985ish That was such a thrill. I have been a 16 - 20 for so very long! This was a great day!!
The other non food reward was when we went to my daughters school for a meeting. After the meeting she said mom you are smaller than half of the other moms! REALLY!?!?! I was shocked. What an awesome feeling. I feel like I am really bragging on myself and I guess I am but it's been so long and I have worked pretty hard to get to this point. It's taken me several years to get to this point. About a year & a half ago I had gotten down to 176 and then gained back to 196. I just wasn't able to keep going. I want so bad for this time to be different. I want to be healthy and I want to get off my B/P meds and a couple of other meds that I am on. I also want to feel good and look nice. At times I feel like my motivation is pretty shallow and vain. I am working on that.
After reading Danica's and TJ's blog about doughnuts - I told my husband and kids that for mothers day I wanted a doughnut maker. So guess what I got?? A cute little Red Doughnut Maker. For mothers day, my mom and I made the lemon doughnuts from friends for weight loss and they were yummy.
This past week my friend, Robin and I went to lunch and then to Kohl's. We hardly ever get to go out to eat so I said let's pick something different. We picked California Pizza Kitchen ( CPK ) and it didn't disappoint us at all. We split a half salad - Chinese Chicken Salad - very yummy. Then we got the Jamaican Jerk Chicken Pizza. I had two slices of the pizza (12pts) and my half of the salad (5pts). I think this is pretty close points wise. It sure was good! We then went to Kohl's. She was looking for "stuff" to take to Guatemala this summer. I didn't have anything I really needed so I just "tried on" stuff. FUN!! when you can pull a 14 from the rack AND IT FITS!! WHOO HOO. But the really cool thing was a couple of the things were too big! I needed a 12!! omg - i don't remember the last time I could wear a 12. Maybe 1985ish That was such a thrill. I have been a 16 - 20 for so very long! This was a great day!!
The other non food reward was when we went to my daughters school for a meeting. After the meeting she said mom you are smaller than half of the other moms! REALLY!?!?! I was shocked. What an awesome feeling. I feel like I am really bragging on myself and I guess I am but it's been so long and I have worked pretty hard to get to this point. It's taken me several years to get to this point. About a year & a half ago I had gotten down to 176 and then gained back to 196. I just wasn't able to keep going. I want so bad for this time to be different. I want to be healthy and I want to get off my B/P meds and a couple of other meds that I am on. I also want to feel good and look nice. At times I feel like my motivation is pretty shallow and vain. I am working on that.
After reading Danica's and TJ's blog about doughnuts - I told my husband and kids that for mothers day I wanted a doughnut maker. So guess what I got?? A cute little Red Doughnut Maker. For mothers day, my mom and I made the lemon doughnuts from friends for weight loss and they were yummy.
Monday, May 16, 2011
My husband Joined WW with me!! yay!
So this past couple weeks have been sort of stressful around our house. Just a lot of things going on. My son is graduating High School and my daughter is getting ready to go on a two week camping/discovery class with her school - in addition to all the finals. Did I mention that we homeschooled my son all the way through high school and my daughter up until this past fall?!?! So this "school" stuff is very new to us.
Anyway, we all have been so very busy and a little grouchy! I asked my husband, "So, what's up with you, are you just stressed about all this stuff"? He finally figured out that his weight was really starting to bother him and he felt overwhelmed by the amount he needed to lose. So he decided to give WW a try. He has already been doing WW sort of half heartedly and figured if he was paying for it maybe it would make him be a little more serious. So this past Saturday we went to WW for his first ever weigh in. There were several other guys there and that helped him I think to feel somewhat comfortable. He is doing very well so far. IT"S SO NOT FAIR though he gets 56 points!!! OMG!! I get 29. I don't see how he can lose weight on that. I do know it's so easy to eat way over 100 points in any given day. So we must have been eating huge amounts of points before WW.
So for Alan's Last Supper we went to Red Lobster. (we had a gift card) He ate what he wanted but I am so close to my 10% that I really wanted to do a good job at staying within my points. I did well - if I calculated correctly. Ya know those Cheddar Bay biscuits were not that great that night so I only had a half of one. (2pts still) I ended up with Shrimp Scampi, Wood Grilled Shrimp and Cajun Shrimp, Cesaer Salad (did not eat it all) and Rice Pilaf (which I had a bite and decided it was not worth it). I like knowing that I can go to most restuarants and get something that tastes really good and not feel like I am on a diet! It takes some planning and digging on the internet to find the points values but it is out there. Sometimes it's just good guestimates but I feel like this is realistic for my life style. The big thing is - - is that so far it is working and that gives me so much hope that this time I will succeed! I just know that I can not stick to a restrictive "diet" where all I can have is SALAD!! yuck! OH, but the biggest, bestest news is that I LOST 2.8 the last time I weighed in!! I was so thrilled because I had been gaining and losing the same .6 and .2 pounds for a month. (I had a Wendy's #1 combo and I think that threw my body a curve ball and helped me over the hump, at least that's what I'm gonna say caused the weight loss!) I don't know that I recommend this type of treatment but hey it seemed to work for me. I guess next weigh in will be the tell all!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Gotta get going
The clothes, dust and other "household" needs will just have to wait.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Everything in sight
I wonder if anyone else ever has one of those days (weeks) where you just want to eat everything in sight? I am having one of those days and it's really hard to stay on program. I started out the day doing pretty good and it went down hill at lunch. It's 7pm and we are going to go into town and I know that the guys will want to get something to eat. I really should not eat another thing today. I know that is not realistic so I need a plan.... I need something that I can have alot of with little points. Not sure what that would be. So this next week I need to look for some recipes.
It's Friday - where did the week go?
I have been home more this week than usual and I feel like I am a little caught up on things but mostly I have just let the week get away from me. I think I needed to do that though. You can only push and go go go for so long before it catches up with you - that's what I'm telling myself anyway.
Yesterday, Ty & I had the whole day home - but decided to go into town to take some stuff to the "boof". The "new truck" was on empty and we stopped to get gas. Ty says, " Uh, mom, we've got a gas leak" after filling up the tank ($63). I get out and sure enough gas is just pouring out on the pavement. UGHHHH!!! So, I tell the lady inside, call alan, then we take the truck to Cedar Crest Tire, just a couple miles away. By this time the leak had slowed to a drip. They check it out and find the problem ($350). Mom and dad come back out, load all the stuff from my truck into their truck and then take Ty & I home. While Ty & I waited for mom & dad to get there we went next door to eat. I had an open face grilled turkey with green chili sandwhich with a salad and Ty had a bbq burger and fries. I thought I was getting something fairly healthy! ha ha - that yummy thing was loaded with butter and cheese. I didn't eat much of the bread but I ate all the cheese and turkey/greenchili. I have absolutely no idea how to figure that one.. Oh well, my lesson, don't eat at Cedar Pointe Grill??? :)
I had a slight gain this past Tuesday at WW. I gained .6 - again. I don't like this gain - lose stuff but my sister reminded me that I've hit that weight area that my body just likes and doesnt want to go away from. So I have been at around 182 - 184 for several weeks now. If I was on maintence that'd be great! I will just keep trying to do the best I can and hopefully it will pay off.
I am reading a book called "MADE TO CRAVE". I am loving it at times and not so much at others. I will post about the first chapter later. I think that it is going to be a life changing book for me.
Yesterday, Ty & I had the whole day home - but decided to go into town to take some stuff to the "boof". The "new truck" was on empty and we stopped to get gas. Ty says, " Uh, mom, we've got a gas leak" after filling up the tank ($63). I get out and sure enough gas is just pouring out on the pavement. UGHHHH!!! So, I tell the lady inside, call alan, then we take the truck to Cedar Crest Tire, just a couple miles away. By this time the leak had slowed to a drip. They check it out and find the problem ($350). Mom and dad come back out, load all the stuff from my truck into their truck and then take Ty & I home. While Ty & I waited for mom & dad to get there we went next door to eat. I had an open face grilled turkey with green chili sandwhich with a salad and Ty had a bbq burger and fries. I thought I was getting something fairly healthy! ha ha - that yummy thing was loaded with butter and cheese. I didn't eat much of the bread but I ate all the cheese and turkey/greenchili. I have absolutely no idea how to figure that one.. Oh well, my lesson, don't eat at Cedar Pointe Grill??? :)
I had a slight gain this past Tuesday at WW. I gained .6 - again. I don't like this gain - lose stuff but my sister reminded me that I've hit that weight area that my body just likes and doesnt want to go away from. So I have been at around 182 - 184 for several weeks now. If I was on maintence that'd be great! I will just keep trying to do the best I can and hopefully it will pay off.
I am reading a book called "MADE TO CRAVE". I am loving it at times and not so much at others. I will post about the first chapter later. I think that it is going to be a life changing book for me.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Las vegas Shirt
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sticks of butter
I'm sure that this visual is not new but I was driving home from WW and was trying to think of something that could represent a .2lb loss. It wasn't a big loss but at least it was a loss and I need all the encouragement I can find. So what came to my mind was butter. One stick of butter is .25lbs - pretty close to what I had lost this week. So here is a picture of what I lost.
If I were to spread that on my thighs or stomach it wouldn't make such a big difference but how about 54 sticks?
This last pile of butter is 36 sticks plus the 18 above that equals 54 sticks (or 13.6ish lbs)!! If you were to spread that around on your body - that's a lot of fat!! I need these types of visuals because it sometimes seems that .2 is such a small amount that it doesn't really matter. I had a loss this week and that is something to celebrate!
If I don't quit I will make my goal of 157 sticks of butter! I have 103 more sticks to go!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter Weekend
Resurrection Sunday! It was a good day! We actually went to the service on Saturday night and then I played all the services on Sunday. Our pastors msg was on the GREATNESS of GOD. Not the god of modern day people but on God the Creator, the God of the multiverse. (he said they are now saying multiverse instead of universe because of all the galaxies they have discovered and are continuing to discover) And yet God chose to come to this planet, this teeny tiny planet to become one of us and to die for us so that WE could be with Him forever! The picture on the left is called the Crown of Thorns Galaxy. Psalm 8:3-4 When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?
He also showed these photos of different galaxies. Some have only been discovered in the last few years.
I had never seen these before. The left is called the eye of God and the right is called the X Galaxy but of course it also looks like a cross to me.
We had our Easter dinner at mom and dads. I have not done well the last few days. Didn't track real well and ate way too much junk. Part of my problem was that Alan came home with Krystal hamburgers from Tennessee. Also, ribs from Corkys. I justified everything by telling myself this is a one time deal. And it was but I should have stopped at 2 burgers not 4, of course they were only 4 points each. We did make the WW version of our Lemon pie - it was very good and I only had 1 slice. The mac & cheese that mom made was really good. All in all it wasn't Easter dinner that got me it was Friday and Saturday and the candy.
I have to get right back on track this morning. Scrambled egg and a mini bagel for breakfast. I put all the candy away and I believe I can handle it. I am going back and forth between being encouraged to just let these past few days go AND then feeling really down and hopeless. I need to figure out meals for the week and make sure that I am prepared so that I do well. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of housework I have. I just need to get going and get some things done. I need to figure out what is most important because I only have a short amount of time today.
The big news for me is that I went to buy an Easter outfit and tried on size 14 pants and they were baggy so I apprehensively tried on a 12 and OMG they fit. They were not even too tight! So of course I bought them! This was an extremely good feeling and I want to keep it up. You would think that this would be such an incentive to do well but I feel discouraged about it. I'm thinking, "You've been here before and this is where you feel pretty good and start slacking and next thing you know I've gained all the weight back". I am trying very hard to fight this distructive thinking.
I have to get right back on track this morning. Scrambled egg and a mini bagel for breakfast. I put all the candy away and I believe I can handle it. I am going back and forth between being encouraged to just let these past few days go AND then feeling really down and hopeless. I need to figure out meals for the week and make sure that I am prepared so that I do well. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of housework I have. I just need to get going and get some things done. I need to figure out what is most important because I only have a short amount of time today.
The big news for me is that I went to buy an Easter outfit and tried on size 14 pants and they were baggy so I apprehensively tried on a 12 and OMG they fit. They were not even too tight! So of course I bought them! This was an extremely good feeling and I want to keep it up. You would think that this would be such an incentive to do well but I feel discouraged about it. I'm thinking, "You've been here before and this is where you feel pretty good and start slacking and next thing you know I've gained all the weight back". I am trying very hard to fight this distructive thinking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)