Acceptence

I have had such a hard time the last few weeks.  I don't know really what my deal is.  I am at the lowest weight I have been at in over 25+ years and I seem to be sabbotaging myself - again. 

I went to WW on Saturday and had actually lost a quarter of a pound.  The week before I had gained 1.4   So you'd think I'd be encouraged to keep going down that losing path.  But I find myself just eating whatever sounds good and of course having way too many points/calories for the day.   

This is the way life is a lot of the time.  I have to learn to keep up my healthier habits during these times.  I have lost track of reading my Bible,  memorizing scripture, doing my bible study, keeping my graditude journal, no food tracking, forgetting to take my meds.  There has been nothing in my day that filled me back up.  I feel as dry spiritually as I ever have.   I feel as if I am the ball in a pinball machine!

So here I am, Monday morning, trying to get a reboot going.  My mind is so cluttered with things "I need to do".  I have only today to get the majority of stuff done around here. The rest of the week is pretty full.  Nothing that I can really reschedule.   I need to start with doing what I know to do.   Read my Bible, continue my graditude journal, track my eating and take those stupid meds.    I think I am trying to make it harder than it really is.   I know that my spiritual life is so closely tied to my physical life.  

I do believe exhaustion plays a huge part in all this.  I am so emotionally and physically tried that all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall for a day!  ( I really don't think I could do that but it feels like I could right now) 

One of the things I have been thinking about is how much the acceptence of my lot in life plays in how I handle things.  I have felt that life has been so unfair to me in the area of my weight.  "I deserve to be able to eat more than "this amount".  I would get down right mad about it.  Now as I look at that reaction in the area of food, I realize that I also have that reaction in a whole lot of other areas of my life too.  YUCK!  

It makes me think of that verse in the bible where Paul says, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am". (Phillipians 4:11ish, The Message) 

I want to have that type of attitude and in some areas I have had a mindset change.  I am no longer angry about the food issue.  I believe I am coming to accept it.  I just didn't realize all the other areas that were really affected also.  God is the One who gives us the strength but I am the one who has to put it all into practice. 

I pray for a better week for all those who I have read about in the last few blogs that are struggling with different issues but are so similar to mine.    We can do all things through Christ - who strengthens us!