Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, unto Him be the glory! Ephesians 3:20-21

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Heart

A new week and I am feeling better.  I have had a few thoughts running through my head and I want to put them down before I forget them. 
I gained at our Saturday weigh in  +.2   - not a lot and it could have been and maybe should have been more.   As I think about losing weight and living life I can't help but think that the last few weeks that I have not been AS focused ---  have been.. well, ok.  I had a lot of things going on.  Life altering things! 
I don't want to be so totally focused on my weight and food that that is all I think about and that is all my life revolves around. 

I read in the book,  "Made to Crave",  that Lysa was either feeling guilt over what she had eaten or feeling deprived over what she didn't allow herself to eat.  EXACTLY!!  She was allowing Satan to keep her in a place where victory was never to be had.  I know that feeling!  This simple observation has really got me thinking about how I live my life.  I can see this same thing happening in other areas of my life other than food.   I believe that this is one of  those small changes that somehow amount to big changes down the road.  You know when you wake up one day and realize, "that isn't a problem anymore - how did I get to this point"?  

Anyway, this is where the change is happening - in my head.  The weight is going to follow.  It may take another year or two to get to my goal but I know that the body follows the mind.  A few days or weeks off focus is not going to make me fail.  It's the change inside of me that is going to be what keeps me going.  I have a hope!!  I am still struggling with a lot of issues - some weight related some relationship related but I can see that some major mindsets are being challenged and changed. 

I am still looking at issue of   "what I feel I deserve or am entitled to".  I had a light bulb come on when I realized that this is not just a food related issue and that some of my problems with my relationship with my husband is due to this way of thinking also.  I have been feeling like I deserve or should be entitled to  MORE compassion or thoughtfulness, or  - fill in the blank   from him.  I am not saying that he shouldn't be more compassionate or whatever.  I am just saying that I am starting to see that my mood, my happiness, my anger or way I treat him depends on whether or not I feel that he has or hasn't given me what I deserve.  I have been thinking that I DESERVE so much more than he was giving and then it would make me mad mad if I didn't get what I thought I should have!!  WHO DO I THINK I AM?!?!   Do I not sound like the Queen of the land or a spoiled rotten child?  ugh.... UGLINESS!! 
I'm thinking that this is probably something that God cares a great deal about.  It's an ugly part of my heart and He is all about changing that.  Maybe it has  come to the point where He had to get my attention to this through food?  I am pretty thick skulled and it takes me a long time to GET it!   The weight and health of my body is important but I know that God's concern is always about the heart.     Hhhmmmm......

Monday, July 11, 2011


I have had such a hard time the last few weeks.  I don't know really what my deal is.  I am at the lowest weight I have been at in over 25+ years and I seem to be sabbotaging myself - again

I went to WW on Saturday and had actually lost a quarter of a pound.  The week before I had gained 1.4   So you'd think I'd be encouraged to keep going down that losing path.  But I find myself just eating whatever sounds good and of course having way too many points/calories for the day.   

This is the way life is a lot of the time.  I have to learn to keep up my healthier habits during these times.  I have lost track of reading my Bible,  memorizing scripture, doing my bible study, keeping my graditude journal, no food tracking, forgetting to take my meds.  There has been nothing in my day that filled me back up.  I feel as dry spiritually as I ever have.   I feel as if I am the ball in a pinball machine!

So here I am, Monday morning, trying to get a reboot going.  My mind is so cluttered with things "I need to do".  I have only today to get the majority of stuff done around here. The rest of the week is pretty full.  Nothing that I can really reschedule.   I need to start with doing what I know to do.   Read my Bible, continue my graditude journal, track my eating and take those stupid meds.    I think I am trying to make it harder than it really is.   I know that my spiritual life is so closely tied to my physical life.  

I do believe exhaustion plays a huge part in all this.  I am so emotionally and physically tried that all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall for a day!  ( I really don't think I could do that but it feels like I could right now) 

One of the things I have been thinking about is how much the acceptence of my lot in life plays in how I handle things.  I have felt that life has been so unfair to me in the area of my weight.  "I deserve to be able to eat more than "this amount".  I would get down right mad about it.  Now as I look at that reaction in the area of food, I realize that I also have that reaction in a whole lot of other areas of my life too.  YUCK!  

It makes me think of that verse in the bible where Paul says, "I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am". (Phillipians 4:11ish, The Message) 

I want to have that type of attitude and in some areas I have had a mindset change.  I am no longer angry about the food issue.  I believe I am coming to accept it.  I just didn't realize all the other areas that were really affected also.  God is the One who gives us the strength but I am the one who has to put it all into practice. 

I pray for a better week for all those who I have read about in the last few blogs that are struggling with different issues but are so similar to mine.    We can do all things through Christ - who strengthens us! 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Are You going to be a Grumbler or a Glorifier!?!

Yesterday, my sweet little nephew, Ben, was starting to get an attitude.  My sister asked if he was going to be a grumbler or a glorifier -- without any hesitation, he said, "A GLORIFIER"!!    And immediately he changed his little attitude. 
Oh, to be able to quickly become a glorifier when life is dragging me down.  I deleted the past post, "Being a Whiner", because that's all it was  was grumbling.    I have been grumbling all week.  I don't want to be a grumbler  -- I want to be a Glorifier! 
So today I Choose to Be a Glorifier!  How about YOU?