5K

So on Friday I did go on the 5K walk all by myself.  I really don't like to walk!  BUT, I put my praise music on and it wasn't half bad.  I was so happy to see my little green truck when I turned the corner and knew that I was actually going to make it!   My feet were hurting - I guess I need to toughen them up a little bit because there was blisters on the pads of my feet.  Anyone ever have that problem??  I've been a walking wimp!!  LOL!!  Anyway, so on Saturday at the WW weigh in I actually lost .4   -- yay!!  I had that emotional week but I didn't go crazy with running to food like I have done in the past.  I did eat too much but mostly it was from eating out.  I didn't eat too much junk food.  That is a reward in and of it's self!!  
Yesterday, my husband, daughter and I went on a "hike" (hahaha) on one of the trails on the mountain that is like less than 5 miles from our house.   It was a 1 3/4 mile hike.  We were not sure if it meant 1 3/4 total but when we met a ranger on the trail and asked he said we were half way and it was 1 3/4 in and then back.  My daughter did not want to do the whole thing (she's 15)  so we went a little further then turned around.  We ended up doing about 2 miles total.  So even though we didn't do the whole trail we still did well to do what we did! 
As I have said, I don't like to walk but I want to get to the "goal".  So I was totally prepared to go the whole distance.  I am all about getting to a goal....  that tells me something doesn't it?   So for me to walk for walking sake is a total drag but you give me a goal (and a trinket) and I want to do it!!    So I guess I need to set some walking goals!!  My husband and I are going back soon to do this same trail again - without little missy!!  :-)  and hopefully do the whole trail!

GRADITUDE

I have had a very emotional week.  I have been reading Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts: A dare to live fully alive.  It has tied into my life and has made me stop and think, actually think about my life.   I usually keep myself so busy that I don't have time to stop and think about things deeply.  But I want to be real - I don't want to be a fake.  I think I see that a lot of the time I just put my "real" feelings on the back burner because to deal with them requires time, effort and emotion.  I don't like to cry and I especially don't like to cry in front of people  - what's up with that?!?  Anyway, this book is making me "think" about my life and what I truely believe.  My husband was gone for the past week, my daugher was away at camp and my son was at work or church most of the week and was not home until 10 pm or after.  I had a ton of time by myself and time to think!  I cried and cried.  Most of the reasons I cried was because I actually let myself "feel".  I cried about the tornadoes and the babies that were sucked out parents arms and I cried about the 18 year old who had just graduated and was headed home and was sucked out of his car. All these were found later - dead.  I also cried because of something else closer but I can't talk about yet because it has to do with my parents 50th anniversary and my mama reads my blog! (hi  - Mom!)  I will tell her soon.  She is also reading this book ( actually has read it through twice now )   The whole book is on graditude and how there is "no joy without trust".   Ann says, "thanks feeds our trust".

My problem is trust ....  How can I trust that God won't allow something like the "tornados" to happen to my 18 year old.   And those babies!  I thought that I had long ago resolved this issue in my heart and I did trust God with my life and all those I love but man o man, this week I have found out that that issue is not resolved and it has ripped open my heart.  I have not wanted to go there but I've found myself almost forced.  So, I am trying the 1000 gifts journal - listing 1000 things I am thankful for.  It's harder for me than I thought.  I am only at about 30...  I am finding it extremely hard to give thanks when I am soooo upset with my husband over whatever.  But that's what we are called to do.  Give thanks in everything.  And then Ann says when we do this we will find joy.  That it is a new way of Seeing in life and the result is a true Trust in God.  

So I've began my journey here - already I know I am changing but it's hard.  I am crying so much as I look at thispart of me.  I feel like I am being broken and God is putting me back together a little differently.  I am wrestling with God on the Trust issue.   I've been here before (at least a little bit ) and I know in the end there is peace.  I just don't know what I will  have to go through to get there.  The unknown is scary and requires trust that God knows what He is doing and is doing it for my benefit.  It's easy to "say" that I believe that God knows what He is doing and that it's for my own good, I know that is the right answer, I 've been in church all my life and I know the right churchy answers. BUT do I really trust God in the "Big" Hurts? (ie.. a horrible death to someone I love, like the tornadoes or a car accident)    The first step is recognizing where you're at, right?   I am at - I DON'T KNOW IF I DO TRUST HIM THERE, but I want to be at that place. Bad things happen to Christians (unsaved too) that we don't understand and I realize that I will never understand why but I want to be at that place of acceptance. 
Ann gives her testimony of how she wrestled with this and found joy and peace.   It's all about Graditude - Thanks - Seeing life as a gift!     So, Here I go.....

Lots of Potatoes!

Yesterday, my best friend, Laura and I cleaned a house and then cleaned windows at her mothers house.  We have been doing this for years now.  The window cleaning is once or twice a year and it's good money.  We do have to climb a ladder and go on the roof for a couple of the widows - ha ha I say "we", I am scared of heights and have never been the one to climb the ladder!!  She said after doing part of the upper windows, "We are getting too old for this"!  I replied, "I think it's because we have like 6 bags of 5lb potatoes strapped to our bodies and we are trying to do this with them attached to us".  So I am not so sure if it is our age (47 & 49) or if it's our weight, probably it's a combination.  But that got me thinking.... Really,  to begin with I had about 10 bags of  potatoes strapped to me.  I've dropped off almost 4 bags!  If you are trying to do anything physical 10 bags of potatoes will make a huge difference.  I feel so much better going up and down our stairs here at the house than when I started and I know it's because I've lost 4 bags of potatoes!  :)   I am trying to imagine another 6 bags gone!  What would I feel like?  I have so much more energy today than a few months ago.   

So today, this will be my accountability, I am going to go do my 5k walk.  I had planned to do this today with Laura but she had to go and schedule an appointment for today and can't make it!  When she told me I thought well that's it I can't go either.  But sometime during the night while I was lying there thinking of how we were going to fit 125 people in our house for my son's graduation party, I thought, why can't I go by myself?  I can take my music and just go!  So my plan is to go do this by myself.  I just hope I can make it!!  I can always stop and rest a long the way if I have too, right?   I just want that darned little weight watcher charm for doing the 5k.  I want it tomorrow so I have to do this today!   So funny how a little charm can motivate me!  Hey - whatever works!!

So - I am headed for town to go walk around the Academy!  and after, maybe, I'll stop at a few yardsales!  I'm gonna have a fun day - right by my own self!  Miss Laura, you're missing out!! 

Bingo, Friends and a Pill Box!

I went to Bingo with a few of my friends.  Lisa, one of my best friends and fellow WW, was celebrating her birthday there.  You get a free electronic Bingo device on your birthday.  So our Bible study group usually goes when it is someones birthday.  I know that's kind of strange that a Bible Study group goes to a casino but we do...  Anyway, none of us EVER win but it's a good time to talk and laugh.  One of the problems is that there is a great food court - and it's cheap. (probably cheap food, too)  So I ended up eating way too many points.  I think I had a total of 58 for the day!  I thought I had selected decently but I didn't get the point values until after I got home...  mistake...  So now I have made a note in my ipod with some of the point values there (guesstimates)  so that next time I am a little more prepared.  

I didn't lose much money at all there - for bingo and eats and a couple of slots I ended up spending $20  - I always set a limit and I only take that amount.  But at one point I was ahead about $20 - I just go expecting to use my 20 and if I happen to win then that's a bonus.  We all say though that the Casino has especially "GOOD" Coca Cola!  So I did have a couple cups of that.   Here is a picture of one cup!  Mmmmm




 

After that I decided that instead of rewarding myself with Mexican food I wanted to get the little "pill box" I had seen a couple weeks ago.  It holds 8 days and will fit nicely in my purse.  I just can't seem to remember to take my meds and I usually remember when I am out away from the house.  So this should help!  It's all sparkly with seashells and beachy stuff - things I love!  Maybe one reward down the road will be when I can turn it into a Tylenol only box!

Today I am heading in to help out my mom & dad at the Flea market. We've had a good weekend, lots of things have sold and I need to go decorate!!  One of my favorite things to do.  It's like decorating someone elses home and it's always changing!  LOVE IT! LOVE IT!  I hate moving furniture and luging stuff around but the rewards there are I get to decorate!  Maybe I'll post a picture of our little booth (boof, as my nephew calls it) sometime in the future. 

Thanks so much for all the encouraging comments you guys have posted lately.  I can not believe how much it carries me through the day - I love getting to know you guys! 

VICTORY !

Saturday weigh in -finally!!!  I had to wait an extra few days for this weigh in since I changed from Tuesdays to Saturday.  I was a little scared that the extra days would make it harder to get below that 180 goal.  BUT I DID IT!!    I am so excited.  I lost 1.4 this week +.  My husband lost 5.8  - He is doing great.  I had said that when I got below 180 I wanted to go to Sadies Mexican Restuarant.  But now I'm not so excited about going, I think I'd rather spend my reward money on something else.  I want to keep going with the weight loss. BUT I am also stressing about being around 178ish.  Why?  because last time I was at WW this is where I stopped.   I am not having the same exact feelings that I had then.  Which were -  I was tired of doing this and I just wanted to eat what I wanted and not have to count points and I wanted to be able to eat MORE quantity of food.  So I am having mixed feelings about this.  Part of me really wants to go on and get beyond this and part of me is saying, "you'll never make it, this is where you give up".  I am fighting that voice but as you all know it is hard.  It's a voice that has been around a long time and sounds so much like my own.  So as I go ahead this week I am going to go to the Lord, I know that if things are to be different this time it will be because of His power and certainly not mine.   I have been reading about how much worth we have because of the price He paid and that we were made to have victory over these things that control us.   So in the power of Jesus Christ I will be an overcomer!!   

Some non food rewards

The past couple of weeks have been so busy but I have been wanting to blog about a couple of non-food rewards that happened.   I have such a horrible memory (mom & dad say it's hereditary) so I need to write this stuff down or it's forever gone in my brain! 

This past week my friend, Robin and I went to lunch and then to Kohl's.  We hardly ever get to go out to eat so I said let's pick something different.  We picked California Pizza Kitchen ( CPK ) and it didn't disappoint us at all.  We split a half salad - Chinese Chicken Salad - very yummy.  Then we got the Jamaican Jerk Chicken Pizza.   I had two slices of the pizza (12pts)  and my half of the salad (5pts).  I think this is pretty close points wise.  It sure was good!   We then went to Kohl's.  She was looking for "stuff" to take to Guatemala this summer.  I didn't have anything I really needed so I just "tried on" stuff.  FUN!!  when you can pull a 14 from the rack AND IT FITS!!  WHOO HOO.   But the really cool thing was a couple of the things were too big!  I needed a 12!!  omg - i don't remember the last time I could wear a 12.  Maybe 1985ish  That was such a thrill.  I have been a 16 - 20 for so very long!   This was a great day!!

The other non food reward was when we went to my daughters school for a meeting.  After the meeting she said mom you are smaller than half of the other moms!  REALLY!?!?!  I was shocked.  What an awesome feeling.  I feel like I am really bragging on myself and I guess I am but it's been so long and I have worked pretty hard to get to this point.  It's taken me several years to get to this point.  About a year & a half ago I had gotten down to 176 and then gained back to 196.  I just wasn't able to keep going.  I want so bad for this time to be different.  I want to be healthy and I want to get off my B/P meds and a couple of other meds that I am on.  I also want to feel good and look nice.   At times I feel like my motivation is pretty shallow and vain.  I am working on that.

After reading Danica's and TJ's blog about doughnuts - I told my husband and kids that for mothers day I wanted a doughnut maker.  So guess what I got??  A cute little Red Doughnut Maker.  For mothers day, my mom and I made the lemon doughnuts from friends for weight loss and they were yummy.  

My husband Joined WW with me!! yay!

So this past couple weeks have been sort of stressful around our house.  Just a lot of things going on.  My son is graduating High School and my daughter is getting ready to go on a two week camping/discovery class with her school - in addition to all the finals.  Did I mention that we homeschooled my son all the way through high school and my daughter up until this past fall?!?!  So this "school" stuff is very new to us.

Anyway, we all have been so very busy and a little grouchy!  I asked my husband, "So, what's up with you, are you just stressed about all this stuff"?  He finally figured out that his weight was really starting to bother him and he felt overwhelmed by the amount he needed to lose.  So he decided to give WW a try.  He has already been doing WW sort of half heartedly and figured if he was paying for it maybe it would make him be a little more serious.  So this past Saturday we went to WW for his first ever weigh in.  There were several other guys there and that helped him I think to feel somewhat comfortable.  He is doing very well so far.  IT"S SO NOT FAIR though he gets 56 points!!!  OMG!!  I get 29.  I don't see how he can lose weight on that.  I do know it's so easy to eat way over 100 points in any given day.  So we must have been eating huge amounts of points before WW.

So for Alan's Last Supper we went to Red Lobster. (we had a gift card)  He ate what he wanted but I am so close to my 10% that I really wanted to do a good job at staying within my points.  I did well - if I calculated correctly.  Ya know those Cheddar Bay biscuits were not that great that night so I only had a half of one.  (2pts still)  I ended up with Shrimp Scampi, Wood Grilled Shrimp and Cajun Shrimp, Cesaer Salad (did not eat it all) and Rice Pilaf (which I had a bite and decided it was not worth it).   I like knowing that I can go to most restuarants and get something that tastes really good and not feel like I am on a diet!  It takes some planning and digging on the internet to find the points values but it is out there.  Sometimes it's just good guestimates but I feel like this is realistic for my life style.  The big thing is  - -  is that so far it is working and that gives me so much hope that this time I will succeed!   I just know that I can not stick to a restrictive "diet" where all I can have is SALAD!!    yuck! 

I have some other encouraging things that have happened over the last couple weeks that I have been so busy I didn't have time to post but I will add those in the next few days.

OH, but the biggest, bestest news is that I LOST 2.8 the last time I weighed in!!  I was so thrilled because I had been gaining and losing the same .6 and .2 pounds for a month.   (I had a Wendy's #1  combo and I think that threw my body a curve ball and helped me over the hump, at least that's what I'm gonna say caused the weight loss!)  I don't know that I recommend this type of treatment but hey it seemed to work for me.  I guess next weigh in will be the tell all!

Gotta get going

I need some time to sit, think, read and write.  BUT I am about to be off and running again.  I have got to figure out how to fit in "me time".  I know I need this time, otherwise, I am a grouch.  I need my alone time!  I love people and doing things but it drains me.  I guess most everyone is like this?  Anyway,  I am going to lunch with a close friend who is struggling with lots of things in her life right now.  Lots of sickness in the family and she needs some girlfriend time.  I am looking forward to our time together.  
The clothes, dust and other "household" needs will just have to wait.

Everything in sight

I wonder if anyone else ever has one of those days (weeks) where you just want to eat everything in sight?  I am having one of those days and it's really hard to stay on program.  I started out the day doing pretty good and it went down hill at lunch.  It's 7pm and we are going to go into town and I know that the guys will want to get something to eat.  I really should not eat another thing today.  I know that is not realistic so I need a plan....  I need something that I can have alot of with little points.  Not sure what that would be.  So this next week I need to look for some recipes. 

It's Friday - where did the week go?

I have been home more this week than usual and I feel like I am a little caught up on things but mostly I have just let the week get away from me.  I think I needed to do that though.  You can only push and go go go for so long before it catches up with you - that's what I'm telling myself anyway.
Yesterday, Ty & I had the whole day home - but decided to go into town to take some stuff to the "boof".  The "new truck" was on empty and we stopped to get gas.  Ty says, " Uh, mom, we've got a gas leak" after filling up the tank ($63).  I get out and sure enough gas is just pouring out on the pavement.  UGHHHH!!!  So, I tell the lady inside, call alan, then we take the truck to Cedar Crest Tire, just a couple miles away.  By this time the leak had slowed to a drip.  They check it out and find the problem ($350).  Mom and dad come back out, load all the stuff from my truck into their truck and then take Ty & I home.  While Ty & I waited for mom & dad to get there we went next door to eat.  I had an open face grilled turkey with green chili sandwhich with a salad and Ty had a bbq burger and fries.  I thought I was getting something fairly healthy!  ha ha - that yummy thing was loaded with butter and cheese.  I didn't eat much of the bread but I ate all the cheese and turkey/greenchili.  I have absolutely no idea how to figure that one..  Oh well, my lesson,  don't eat at Cedar Pointe Grill???  :) 
I had a slight gain this past Tuesday at WW.  I gained .6  - again.  I don't like this gain - lose stuff but my sister reminded me that I've hit that weight area that my body just likes and doesnt want to go away from.  So I have been at around 182 - 184 for several weeks now.  If I was on maintence that'd be great!  I will just keep trying to do the best I can and hopefully it will pay off.
I am reading a book called "MADE TO CRAVE".  I am loving it at times and not so much at others.  I will post about the first chapter later.  I think that it is going to be a life changing book for me. 

Las vegas Shirt

So last August when me and a bunch of girl friends went to Las Vegas I saw this shirt - on someone.  It just was one of those things that have stuck with me.  I went on someones blog today and there it was - someone else found it motivating too..   So here it is.  I don 't know if I would be able to wear this but it just makes me smile and somehow motivates me.