Gotta Move (Mercy Me song)

Life is about to get crazy again.   We moved to this cute little house in the East Mountains of New Mexico the 1st of July.  I love this place but it has some major problems.  
One is the septic system - they are about to have to tear it up and put in a new one.   BIG pain for us and our dogs.  Going to cost the owner (we rent) about 30,000  -bummer for them..  Next our water here is hard hard -- the epa guidelines for one of the things tested is it must be below 500ppm  -- Ours is 880ppm...  not safe to drink!   The owner needs to put in a softener  -- 3000.00  --  bummer..  
The landlord didn't act like the owner was going to want to do that.  We have had some problems (big problems) with the landlord.  So we told her maybe we need to move..  She said she thought that would be a good idea!  So we are getting out of our year contract here.
SO NOW we have to find a place that will allow 3 dogs and 2 cats...  and then move AGAIN  soon!!   UGH!!  I just so dread moving again. 
Today I will be out looking for rentals IN town..  we are moving from the mountains :-(  to the busy city.   It's quite a sacrifice for me.  I absolutely love the mountains and the quiet and the birds..  It will be best for my family - as they are all working in the city and have to drive back and forth, a lot.  Also, I will be closer to my mom & dad, my sister and my brothers families.  So it's a mixed blessing. 

We are trying to hear God's voice in all this and so far doors have opened in this direction and so we will continue to go this way.  I am trying to be confident that He already has a place picked out for us that will be just right!
Thanks for your prayers!!

Changes

I wish this feeling could go on forever!!  It's kind of funny how part of me is a stressed out mess and the other part, the weight focus part, is doing pretty good.   So I should say I wish the way I feel with my weight focus area could go on forever.  I think that is progress?!   

Yesterday, was weigh in day.  I knew I had done pretty good for the week because I had tracked and hadn't gone too crazy with extras.   So I was down 1.2 lbs  YAY!   From here on out is the lowest "weight" I have been in over 25 years..  I know I've said that before, recently,  but it still amazes me!  I feel this "Hope" that this time I'm going to do this!!   I don't know something feels different.     

So I went to Target to buy a baby shower gift.  Decided to get a pair of black jeans.   Took a 14 and a 12 to the  try on room.....  Thought, "well, I should try the 12 on first and get that disappointment over quickly,  IT FIT  and the waist was actually a little big.   I might could have worn a 10...  OMG!!  I didn't have time to try the 10 on and I believe it would have been too tight but I bet I could have gotten it zipped!!  
 
I am so close to being in the 160's!!  I just can't even imagine.   For so so long I was over 200 ..  Most of my adult life has been spent somewhere around 204 - 215..  And then for the last probably 10 years between 194 & 200...     194 has been my body's happy place...  go figure....    So to think of being in the 160's or at my goal weight of around 140ish  is so much closer than it's ever been and hard to even imagine. 

I saw some old friends that I hadn't seen in probably 10 years and one of them said she had to do a double take!!   What a compliment!  Then just yesterday my husband said, "you really aren't much bigger than your mom now"!  (sorry mom, I hope that's a compliment to you and not an insult)   My mom is in the low 140's...

I know I am at one of those highs and I apologize if it seems I am over the top.   I've got to take advantage of this while I can.  I feel like I need this motivation to keep me going.   

I also know this is where you lose sight of the real focus and it becomes easy to focus on the outward appearance.  It's such a balance.  It's ok to be concerned with how you look and ok to enjoy food but I tend to take it to extremes and lose my focus of what it really is about.   That is obedience to the Lord in not letting "this" rule my life but letting Him rule my life. 

Thanks Joy and Josie and Kimberlyn(where are you,  I miss your posts so much) --  you guys give me so much encouragement!  I love to read your blogs.  I do believe this has been one of the differences this time for me.  WW meetings help but you guys help so much more!!   Please keep your daily stories up - they help so much!!

Pam's new Groove?!?

This morning was rough!  As my friend Terry said, "One of those pure discipline days"!  There are 2 spin classes on Friday.  One at 5:45am and one at 7:15am. 

My husband had the alarm set to go off at 5:15am so I could get up and go.  He has the alarm set to  "CRICKETS"....   So at 5:15 the crickets start chirping... ugh....  I just cant get up and make myself go this early!!  Turn those blasted crickets off!

So  here's the dilemma - the 5:45 class is easier and the 7:15 class is taught by a crazy guy who really works your tail off!  what to do???  
I thought about just not going at all - I did clean 2 houses yesterday and I went to class on Wednesday.  NOPE!  I got myself up and I went to crazy guys class and it was a killer.   It was a strength class.   My legs are done! 

But I feel great!!!
(note to self --  remember this feeling, I feel like I could tackle just about anything right now and I feel like really watching what I eat)  
I need to remember this next time so that it will help push me through these times when I just don't want to do it.   

I am feeling like I have my groove back.  It's been a rough couple of months but I THINK I am refocused and ready to do the next 25-30lbs.    That's it, that's all I want to lose!  It seems like nothing but I know that it is the hardest - well I hear the last 10 are the hardest..   I hope I will be able to say for myself if it is or not. 

I have been trying not to be so focused on food.  I have been trying to have my quiet time with the Lord and get my focus right.   The real focus should be on my obedience to Christ.
BECAUSE   ---  "Everything is permissible for me" -- but not everything is beneficial....  I will not be mastered by anything". 
I Corinthians 6:12
This is what I am holding on to lately.  I have been soo mastered by food.  It has driven practically my whole life!  This should not be.  This verse must be the reason I do this.   Not to be a size "whatever"..  not to worry about what others are thinking of me but to be able to say that "FOOD IS NOT MY MASTER"!  

It is so hard for me not to focus on the size/looks issue - it is a constant struggle BUT my God is stronger than my mind and if I am willing to let Him change it -- HE WILL!    I am still begging him to give me a "want to" but for the right reasons.   I do believe my heart/mind is changing a little.... 

A Good week! YAY!

I made it to spin classes 2 days last week.  The last class I went to kicked my butt - it was a good thing.  I loved the instructor.  He really pushes you and encourages at the same time.  He makes you want to push hard!  Great instructor!  
So this week my plan is to go Wednesday at 5:45am and then to his class again on Friday at 7:15...  This is my accountability!! 

I did manage to lose 2lbs this week.  I was pretty excited about that.  I tracked my food better and all in all did better this past week.   

We had my mom & dad's 50th Wedding Anniversary party this past weekend.  Their anniversary was in May and we just now had it.  Trying to get families together is no easy task! 
My brother grilled out chicken and we had salad, baked potatoes and rolls.   Then of course Cake...(we have a favorite cake bakery and this cake was so yummy.)  I did well,  only one slice of cake.   The other stuff was no problem for me on this occassion - just the cake was the temtation.
We had a great time and enjoyed everyones company and didn't focus too much on the food.

My "WANT TO"

Honestly, I just havent felt like writing.  I gained 2.4 pounds last Saturday!  Nothing I cant overcome but it's my attitude that's got me concerned.
I am wanting what I cant have again... badly...  It is such a struggle.  

I did start spinning classes - i've been once.  It is hard to find a time that they offer a spin class that I am available to do it.  I am determined to go at a minimum of 2x a week. 

I finished reading the book "Made to Crave".   I am starting the book over because it addresses the source of my problem and that source is spiritual.  The first part of the book ( not even the first chapter ) is entitled "Finding my want to".     I can so relate because I can not find my want to at all!!  

She says that a vanity seeking "want to" is shallow and will only produce shallow efforts.  Yep, I know that's true! 

She goes on to say that she asked, she begged, she cried out to God for a spiritual "want to".  Each day, He gave her just enough "want to" laced with His strength, to be satisfied by healthy choices. 

My focus has to be spiritual and I am crying out to God to give me a spiritual want to.    To all who happen to read this simple blog,  please pray for me in this.  I know that without the Lord's help, this addiction to food is too strong for me to break away all by myself.