It seems like in the last month a lot of people have really been struggling with staying on track. Some have been able to refocus and are now striving after that goal again. I am still struggling. I think mostly it is because I have been so out of schedule. The move to the new house, summer, Kaycee being home (and then gone, then home and then gone again for 2 weeks) and now she is home and wanting to get her life going and figured out for the fall. I just cant seem to find a routine for me!
I am off track in so many things that I want and need to be doing. Like having quiet time, reading my bible, writing down my 1000 gifts, taking my pills.... These are really essentials and I cant seem to get it all going again. I'll do fine for a morning, maybe a day, and then I find myself off track again. I feel like I have no control over my day. It's being run partly by teenagers with VERY important things that we must do. That's not all though. I did take a weeks vacation with my husband while teenager #2 was in Guatemala. We have celebrated teenager #2 turning 16 with 2 different parties now. ( I think we are done with that ) Just a lot of different, out of the ordinary stuff going on. Or is it???
I am trying to give myself a break and tell myself that all this will straighten out and we will be back to a semi - normal lifestyle soon. But then, I really think that "this" is my semi-normal lifestyle and I need to figure out how to stay on track with everything that is really important in the midst of all this. Deep down I am afraid I will not get my focus back and I'll gain all the weight I've lost back and have to start over yet another time!! As of last Saturday I had stayed steady on the scales ( kinda like maintenance ) but I feel myself slipping. I don't want to start over!!!!
Another change that is happening is that teenager #2 has decided that homeschooling was/is better than public school. I AGREE!! So she is going to home school her last two years at home. She did very well at public school and we would have supported her if she had wanted to go back. I am very glad she made this decision. She has made some very mature decisions in the last few months and I am very proud of her. But I have to change gears and add "homeschooling Mom" to my list once again. ( I had forgotten the excitement of receiving "the curriculum" in the mail )
So, This is where I am at. I haven't felt up to writing for several reasons -all this life craziness being one. Another reason is that after reading so many other blogs I feel like mine is so scattered and hard to read. Most of these other blogs are so well written. I feel like a first grader writing with a bunch of seniors!!
When I started this blog I said that it was FOR ME - so I could remember how I was feeling on this journey. I need to remember that reason and stop comparing it to others. Writing is not my gift but I do enjoy it. So I am going to get this part of my life back on track and who knows maybe this blog was helping me more than I realized!
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| Guatemala July 2011 |
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| Teenager #2 in Guatemala |
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| Teenager #2's - 16th birthday party! |
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| Teenager # 2 with her little friends in Guatemala |
2 comments:
SO know how you feel. I've been on track, thinking, "I've got this..." then 2 seconds later, I would feel like I'm drowning. I would also be like you where I would fear that I would gain back the weight back.
Well I'm into this a year and a half and I'm still going. Yeah, I've felt and been right where you are...but then soon I'd be back on my plan. For me, life would happen, blow me off course for a time and then I'd get right back to it.
You will too....Just got to stay focused!! And most importantly....NEVER GIVE UP!!!!
thanks Joy!! It helps so much to know others feel the same way and have kept going. This is why the blogs help me so much. Just knowing what you guys go through helps me realize that I can do it too!! I hope you have a great week staying on track!!
Pam
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